Comatose | Sequel To: Enigma |

Ch.5 - See Me

I stare blankly at the camp fire, my wrists and ankles bound tightly by rope. It's only been two days since I agreed to help Thorin and he's still told me nothing. All I know, is that his son was last seen near the Shire, in one of the small towns. I'm the one that's supposed to track him once we're there and I'm not sure how that'll go. If he's been gone for so long then I highly doubt his prints will still be there. A heavy sigh escapes my lips and I lean against the rock, staring up into the stars. Each one shines beautifully and it reminds me of Thorin's eyes. They were always sparkling and full of life but now, I can hardly see any emotion in them. Pain strikes at my heart at the fact that my mate is troubled and there's nothing I can do about it. A chill runs down my spine, due to the fact that they decided to take away my cloak. Dwalin didn't even give me a reason as to why he thought I shouldn't have it. I'm just glad they decided to let me keep Orcrist, which is very confusing. They don't trust me yet they let me keep my weapon? It's probably because they know I don't use it and they are stronger than me either way.

"You don't sleep much do you?" Thorin's rough voice hits my ears and I hold in a shiver, "Dwalin has gone to collect more wood. I'm on first watch so this is your only chance to rest." He shuffles by quickly, not once giving me a glance and sits down on one of the boulders. "We won't rest again until tomorrow night."

I nod even though he can't see it and silently groan in frustration. Sleeping is another thing I try to avoid besides those hunters. Every time I close my eyes I'm just sucked into another nightmare. Alavar is always there, ready to mock me and with Thorin it only grows worse. Then when I wake up, I always see new claw marks littering my arms. I lash out in my sleep and I know it must be a terrible sight. If Thorin were to see me like that, I'm sure he would just leave me here to rot. I do my best to find a more comfortable position but the ropes, make it almost impossible. I sigh at the rising burn and slump back in defeat. How am I supposed to sleep like this anyway?

"I am surprised you haven't tried to escape yet." Thorin calls out, catching my attention. His back is still to me but I can feel that devilish smirk on his lips. "If you're able to break chains then those are just twigs to you."

"You know a lot about me." I say weakly and try my luck even if it's dangerous, "But I know nothing about you."

He suddenly gets up and marches my way with his sword in hand. His body is tense and when I see his dark expression, part of me thinks he's still under the Dragon-Sickness. That terrible curse ruined his mind and turned him against all of us. I've only seen him like this, when he nearly tried to kill Dwalin and Bilbo. I got hurt both times and it showed just how viscous he was. The scar over my eye starts to sting at the memory and I remind myself that he broke free from it. I hold my ground as he places the blade on my throat, bringing his face close to mine. The dark glint in his eyes forces me to look away, not liking how much anger they hold.

"Everyone knows about you because you are a murder." He growls and yanks my hair back harshly. My eyes widen at his actions and a startled gasp leaves my lips. "You destroy villages for fun. Did you honestly think I would simply tell you all my problems? That I would even share anything about my life? You are the daughter of a monster, the White Warg, a pet that belonged to my greatest enemy. Her evil blood runs through your veins and it seems as though you're taking after her." He pushes my head away and stands, sheathing his sword. Light tears form in my eyes and I bite my lip to hold back a whimper. "I don't know why Gandalf decided to pick you. When there are more honorable people out there. He has not once failed me so I trust his decision but that doesn't mean I trust you. The things that you've done disgust me. I can't see how someone would be able to stoop that low and yet be able to walk amongst people, as if it were nothing." He stomps back to his previous spot, breathing heavily. "He made me swear not to kill you. Which is why if you help me, you will stay in Erebor but you will serve me. Death isn't a suitable punishment for your actions so you will work. I will have you suffer like all those people did until you're begging for forgiveness."

I hang my head low, feeling every word slice through what's left of my heart. He doesn't even know that I'm already begging for mercy. If he truly believes all that, then he'll only accuse me of being a liar, when I'm trying to tell him the truth. Those people have shaped my life and the damage is too great to be undone. I sniff and hear him chuckle in response while mumbling something quietly to himself.

"How could you even kill your own family?" His glare is on me once again and I feel small under his angered eyes. "Your own son?"

"I didn't kill them." I whisper, not sure if he can hear me but he scoffs.

"That mark on your eye is the proof." He yells and points to the scar on my face.

"I could've gotten that from anywhere!" I shout and instantly regret it when Thorin comes sauntering back. "Why do you believe what other people say?" He sits down across from me with a grunt and his silence makes me continue. "Yes I am a Skin-Changer. Yes I had a son but his father wasn't even there. It was just me and my little boy, trying to survive in the forest."

"Yet you killed him because he was a burden!"

"He was my son! I wouldn't have hurt him!" The ropes snap when my anger grows and I feel Thorin grab my collar seconds later. He raises my body up and slams me into a tree with his weapon at my throat. "You people fear what you don't understand." I say weakly as tears threaten to escape my eyes, "You don't know me. You only know what you've heard." His eye twitches in annoyance and his warm breath tickles my cheeks. "The man I love is the reason why I'm still here. But he wouldn't recognize me even if I were right in front of him."

Thorin narrows his eyes and backs away, watching me fall to my knees. He opens his mouth to say something but the crunching of leaves causes him to spin around. Dwalin runs to his side in panic, holding his weapon tightly and finds my weak form. Thorin shakes his head before a question can arise and they both stomp away, back to the opposite site of camp. I let out a shaky breath and feel the first tear roll down my cheek. My beating heart aches and soon enough, I'm sobbing in my hands. I bring my knees into my chest, hugging them tightly while feeling my shoulders shake. Thorin really doesn't remember me at all. If he doesn't even trust me how am I supposed to make him talk to me? Why did you do this Gandalf? You should've just let me be! I was better off not knowing how my mate sees me and now he's not afraid to express it. I disgust him. The burning in my chest intensifies and if I hadn't experienced this before, I would be a complete mess.

--

The sun shines brightly in the sky and a light blanket of sweat has formed on my arms. Dwalin and Thorin are riding up ahead, speaking to themselves while I'm left behind to walk. There's a rope tied securely on my good wrist, that is being managed by Dwalin to make sure I don't run. Yeah like that would ever happen. There's no where for me to go except back into the forest. I drag my sore feet against the dirt and try to blink away the tiredness from my eyes. Crying all night, probably wasn't the best idea but at least I was able to let all those years of agony out. Thorin laughs loudly with Dwalin and hearing his joyfulness again, nearly makes my heart stop. I gaze up and stare at his smiling face in awe, forgetting how much I missed seeing it. This man is going to be the death of me. I roll my eyes and chuckle quietly to myself as the sorrow from yesterday fades.

I look around at the familiar land around us that's completely covered in green and frown in thought. Based on the path we are currently traveling on, we're only five days away from reaching the Shire. So that means I only have five days to help Thorin regain all his memories. I bite my lip nervously and think about the situation more, reminding myself to keep my feet moving. If we're taking this way back to the Shire, that means we'll be passing through the village I destroyed. It'll be in ruins now and is probably in worse shape than when I left. My feet stop in realization and I suck in a sharp breath, we'll be passing by where all my agony started. Dwalin shouts and tugs on the rope harshly, more than any of us expected. I cry out in surprise and fall to the ground before I can regain my footing. The grass cushions my head from a hard impact but this discovery, brings fear in my heart.

Thorin rides up next to me and hops down to help me up, while Dwalin surprisingly apologizes. I cough and dust off my grass stained clothes, my mind swimming. There's no way I'll be able to go back to that place. Mahal only knows what'll happen to me if I do. I start walking again as they lead the way and my shoulders slump more than usual.

In five days, I'll be reaching the place where Alavar was taken from me.