(un)happy // Martinus Gunnarsen

5

"Jenny please come out." Martinus says for like the hundredth time today. I haven't talked to him in three days nor have left my room.

I open the door and look at Martinus. He has red puffy eyes and his hair is messy. The sight in front of me makes me just want to hug him so tight and never let go. But I have to stay strong.

"You know what makes this even worse? The fact that you got so mad at me over what you thought what I did when you did something so much worse." I just say not even looking at him in his eyes.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was just so scared of what's going to happen then you find out so I overreacted. I'm so so so sorry." Martinus says and places his thumb and index finger under my jaw and raises my head so I have to look at him. "Please believe me. I never meant to hurt you." He continues in a soft voice. Please kill me I'm already dying on the inside.

"I think we should take a break." I say and instantly regret it. Martinus' face changes quickly.

"What? No! We shouldn't do that. We should work things out, now, here." He says in desperation.

"I'm sorry I just need a little time." I look back down.

"I won't accept it." Martinus says. Then he kisses me with more passion than ever. I get shivers all over my body. I start to kiss him back but the I push him off.

"Sorry Martinus." I say and go back to my room and close the door. I slide down to the floor and feel the tears streaming down my face like the Niagara falls.

I can hear Martinus doing the same outside my door. We're basically back to back just with a door between us. This hurts so bad.

"Martinus are you okay?" I can hear Marcus ask.

"Yes I'm fine." Martinus responds.

"You sure don't seem like fine." Marcus says.

"I said I'm fine! Leave me alone!" Martinus yells. Then I hear a door being slammed close. He left.

There's a knock on my door. Maybe that's him and Marcus is the one who left? No why would it be? It has to be Marcus.

"Co-come in." I say. I go a little further from the door still sitting in the floor.

Marcus opens the door and closes it. Then he sits next to me pulling me in his lap and wraps his arms around me. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me close.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly.

"For what? You haven't done anything." I say turning to him.

"I was so drunk at the party that you had to take care of me and then you lost sight of Martinus and he did what he did." Marcus explains looking down.

"Hey it's not your fault in any way. I had fun with you and your other friends." I lift his head so he's looking at me.

"I should've drank less. If you break up it's going to be at least partly my fault." He bites his lip.

"Hey, hey, hey, stop saying that Marcus. Don't blame yourself. And I don't know what's going to happen between me and Martinus." I say.

"Talk with him, work things through. Make him repay for what he did." Marcus says and wipes my tears away.

"Thanks Marcus." I give him a small smile. We get up from the floor and he hugs me again. Then he leaves the room and I go sit on my bed.

I've been staring at my door for like 15 minutes just thinking if I should go to Martinus' room. I get up and open the door. I feel someone open it from the other side at the same time.

"Jenny I was just coming here." He says. I bite my lip and walk back to my room. Martinus closes the door and sits to my bed pulling me next to him.

"Look, I'm really sorry for what I did. It was dark and the girl was the same height as you and I thought it was you. Being drunk didn't make it any easier. If I had known it wasn't you I would have never done it. Please, you have to believe me." Martinus explains looking me in the eyes.

"I want to believe you but I still need some time to think. I really love you but I can't just forgive you in a second." I say.

"I will give you time because I know you're going to make the right decision. Whenever you're ready just come to me and I will make everything up to you. I love you." Martinus says. A small tear escapes from his eye even tho I can tell he was trying so hard to hold it in.

I wipe the tear and just stare at his beautiful eyes for a while. Those eyes filled with hurt matching mine. Why does love have to hurt so much?

"I think you should go now. You have a concert tomorrow. I don't want you looking like a wreck on the stage." I turn my back to him.

"Okay. I um, I'll go now. See you later." He gets up and I watch him leave once again. It's not like he's going far, his door is the one next to mine.

Why am I like this? Why can't I just forgive him this instant and forget everything that happened?