Deputy Swan

Chapter Nineteen

She has done nothing for the past three weeks but bury herself in work and sulk around her tiny apartment. Nobody has ever broken her heart the way Regina Mills has. And this heartbreak literally feels like Regina ripped out her beating heart, straight through her chest, left a gaping hole, and crushed the organ into nothing but ash.

Every damn day she tries to force herself to be mad at her ex for tossing their relationship aside like yesterday's trash but she can't find the strength to keep up the façade. The sadness outweighs the anger every time, leaving her feeling empty and hollow inside. And then her mind thinks about their future and what could have been and she breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

She refuses to sleep in her own bed, knowing all the intimate secrets she and Regina shared there. Not to mention the constant images of their bodies entangled as one, taunting her each time she steps foot in the bedroom. So for now, she sleeps on the couch, avoiding those memories as best as she can.

She honestly hasn't seen the Mills family too much since that day Regina kicked her out of her house and out of her life. She doesn't know if Regina is actively avoiding public outings, but then again, she's no better. Unless she's at work, she doesn't leave her apartment because everyone keeps asking her why she looks like shit.

She knows she looks like shit. She doesn't need the constant reminder of her puffy, red-rimmed eyes, or how she can't even manage brushing her hair, so it ends up in a low ponytail, or how she can't even eat, so her face seems hollow.

Today, she's hungry though but she couldn't think about trying to cook. So now, she's patiently sitting on a stool at Granny's, waiting for her food to be ready. She's on break from her evening shift and she hasn't eaten all day and she's kind of woozy, so she's forcing herself to eat. 

She's also worn out from all the extra shifts she has been picking up to cover Graham's work. He should be returning to work soon, she assumes, but she hasn't spoken to Regina or Graham about the date of his return, yet. If she's being honest with herself, she doesn't think she even wants him back at the station. She will just be reminded of Regina and how he is now living with her and seeing her every day when it should be her.

She sighs, spotting a penny on the counter in front of her, so she picks up the old copper and places it between her index finger and the counter. She uses her free hand to flick the edge and watches mindlessly as the penny spins around.

God, Valentine's Day is coming up and she should be spending that time with the woman she loves but instead she will stuff her face with Chinese and cry herself to sleep again.

She slams her open palm down on top of the coin as rage violently rushes through her veins. Her mind keeps wandering to the fact that she was so damn serious about Regina, that she was going to ask if they could move in together over the summer. She can't believe she was foolish enough to think that Regina was completely over her husband, the man she created Henry with. She's such a damn fool for believing Regina would ever choose her over Graham.

She angrily picks up the penny and flicks the coin again. She watches with disdain as the copper effortlessly glides across the counter.

"Our hard tax dollars at work I see," her sultry voice taunts Emma from over her shoulder.

Emma's body involuntarily shudders and she curses herself for allowing this woman to still have this effect on her. She slaps her palm down over the spinning penny again as her blood boils.

"Hello, Emma," Graham softly greets her as if he's nervous to approach her.

She inhales sharply and pleads with herself to remain unaffected by their relationship. She whirls around on her stool and attempts a smile.