demolition lovers // josh dun

|| 10 ||

The next night, I find myself parked in front of an apartment complex in downtown Columbus.

I called Jenna when I got home yesterday, and explained everything. I never told her about the miscarriage, either. Which is weird, because normally we tell each other EVERYTHING. I broke that pact.

She was understanding about it all. She wasn't mad that I rushed home in the middle of her WEDDING reception. She didn't even tell Tyler. In fact, Tyler already knew. He texted me a couple hours after it all went down, asking me if I needed to talk. Josh must have told him.

That is why they're my best friends. They didn't tell each other something that was MY business. I'm so lucky to have them. But not as lucky as they are to have each other.

I'm awakened from my thoughts when I see Josh step out of the main doors of the complex, and head to the parking ramp.

I hesitate to get out and approach him. That's the whole reason I came here. To apologize.

After a short debate with my brain, I manage to step outside of my car and slightly jog to the parking ramp next to Josh's apartment complex. I catch him just as he's about to unlock his own car.

"Josh." I say, barely loud enough for him to hear. He turns around.
"I was just coming to see you."
Really? Why would he want to see me after what I said?

"I'm so sorry." I think is what comes out of my mouth. He looks confused. And hurt.

He forms a small smile and puts his arm around me, walking us back to the building.

He's not mad? He doesn't seem like it. Just...hurt, is the only word I can come up with.

We take the elevator up to his apartment. I've only actually been here twice.

We walk inside after passing a few other doors. He tosses his keys in a dish next to the door and takes his sweatshirt off. I can't help but stare at the tattoos covering his arm. He started getting them a few years ago, around the time Tyler got his.

I snap out of it when I hear him ask me something.

"What?" I ask, not sure what he said before.
"Do you want some coffee?" He asks again.
"Yeah, thank you." He hands me a mug with cats on it.

"You know me so well." He laughs a little bit, before pouring a mug for himself.

We sit at his kitchen counter for a few minutes before I break the silence.

"Josh, I really am sorry for yesterday."

"Don't be sorry."

I try to read the expression on his face, but I can't. I've never seen him look like this before.

"So, if it wasn't Shawn's..." He says, breaking the silence.

"I was 6 weeks. Shawn and I hadn't done ANYTHING in at least a month BEFORE you and I met. He tried when I came home before moving to Pittsburgh, but I refused. So, I can only assume..."

"It would've been mine." He stares right at me. I can see the sadness in his eyes.

Why didn't I tell him four years ago?

"Yes." I feel tears start to fall, but I somehow hold my voice together. "I didn't tell anyone about it. Not even Jenna. Shawn's wife must have been outside the door to my room when the doctor told me about it and for whatever reason, decided to bring it up now."

"I see."

"I understand if you're mad at me...and if you never want to talk to me again..." I choke on my words a little bit, allowing myself to cry now. I wish he didn't see me like this. I wish he never HAD seen me like this.

Josh looks up at me, his eyes widen a little bit.

"Why would I be mad at you? I could never be mad at you...hold on." He gets up and goes to his room for a second, before coming out with a box of tissues for me.

"Thanks... I would understand if you were mad. That's something I should have told you. But after I did everything to myself, I just didn't want to make things worse."

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