𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

Chapter Twenty-Nine: For Angels to Die

CHAPTER VOCABULARY: The title of this part is from the song of Ed Sheeran, "A Team". That is such a great song and if you want, you can play the lyric video above.

{CHAPTER TWENTY - NINE: FOR ANGELS TO DIE}

Ivy's POV

"Ivy! What the hell are you doing?! Magpapakamatay ka ba?!"

Agad tumulo ang mga luha ko at awtomatiko akong nagpapalag palayo sa taong balak pigilan ang pagtalon ko mula sa pasimano. I'm not crazy but why can't they let me do this to myself?! Wala na rin naman kwenta ang buhay ko so bakit kailangan pa nila akong pigilan sa gusto kong pagkakamatay? Bakit, is there someone out there again who is bound to kill me again? 

"Let me go! Wag nyo akong pigilan. I want to die, bitches so let me go! Hayaan nyo na lang ako."

Tito Aljiand is too strong para ilayo ako sa railings ng rooftop at tinulak nya ako paupo sa sahig. This life is so useless so there is no sense of living anymore. This is all my fault kaya kailangan kong putulin ang ugat na ito and that root is me! I need to go! I need to die!

"Gustong-gusto kong makasama si Alexander, ple---"

"And this is your way of doing it? Are you losing your mind, Ivy?! You are going to waste your precious life in just jumping in this fucking hospital! Sa palagay mo ba, magugustuhan lahat ni Alexander ang mga pinaggagagawa mo?!"

"I don't care!" I roared. "Wala akong pakiealam. I just want to jump. Bakit ba hindi nyo na lang ako pagbigyan sa gusto ko?! This is my life and not yours!"

Bigla na lang ako sinampal ni TIta Francine. I doesn't feel anything. I'm numb. Namanhid na siguro ako sa lahat ng sakit na nadama ko. I didnt tend to look at them again at napaiyak na lang ako before burying my face between my knees. 

"You're crazy!" Napailing ako sa sinabi ni Tita. Please know that I'm not crazy but I just want to put an end to my life. Ending your life in the way of suicide is not being crazy!

"Baliw na kung baliw but I just want to die! We're kind of geniuses here so wag nyong sabihin sa hindi nyo alam ang sinasabi ko! Maswerte kasi kayo because you're not in my situation! You're not the one who is breaking. You're not the one who is hurting."

Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap sakin ni Tita. Ramdam ko lahat ng pagcocomfort mula dito and it caused me to cry harder. I wish Alexander is the one who is hugging me. That will be the best miracle that will ever happen to me. Humiwalay sakin si Tita bago hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko at hinarap sya.

She wiped my tears using her thumb before saying, 

"You're part of my family Ivy. Your pain is our pain too. Huwag mo itong sarilihin. Nandito kaming lahat sa paligid mo. Please know that you're not alone."

Panandalian akong napahinto. Inilibot ko ang tingin ko sa paligid. I saw Tito Aljiand, Tita Vanessa hugging Lolo Romulo in his wheel chair, my Kuya Chad and my bestfriends crying. Siguro nga hindi pa katapusan ng mundo. I was just so helpless that it feels like I wanted to explode and escaping  from that shit is killing myself. I tried my best to move my hands as I hugged Tita Francine back.

"I-I...I'm sorry..." 

uutal kong saad sa mahinang tono. I can't even find the right words to sa bukod sa salitang sorry. Bahagyang natawa saakin si Tita bago ako muling niyakap at hinimas pa ang buhok ko na sobrang gulo na. She helped me to stand at agad akong sinalubong ng yakap ng mga kaibigan ko. It was so heart-whelming. Nakakagaan ng loob na malaman mo na hindi ka nag-iisa at may mga tao sa paligid mo na handang tumulong sayo.

Nasanay kasi ako na itatago ko sa sarili ko lahat ng sakit at hirap na nararamdaman ko. And now I found it that it was so bad. It was a suicide. 

"We're so glad you're okay." 

Okay? Okay na nga ba ako? Maybe not yet. Siguro mali ang sinabi sakin ni Denise. I need to time to digest the things that happened yesterday. Masakit isipin but I need to move on or else fate would carry me back to this event and everything will turned upside down again and I dont want to happen anymore. I was to fed up. I'm tired.

Iniuwi muna nila ako sa bahay. Tinulungan ako ni Tita Vanessa na makapaligo dahil sa sakit ng iba ko pang sugat and I was still traumatized. I changed for more comfortable clothes bago ako nahiga sa kama ko. Tita sat beside me as she caressed my hair with her soft hands.

"Ivy, are you okay?" 

Umiling ako. "No Tita, not yet." 

Then she nodded. "I know. Good thing you know how to listen. Parang tunay na anak na ang turing namin sayo and we loved you so much more than ourselves. Hindi namin alam kung anong pwedeng gawin ni Francine sa oras na may nangyari ulit na masama sayo. Nung nakidnap ka, she almost fainted then nung nahimasmasan, ayun, she started whining and shouting and she was looking for you at it hurts me. Masakit makita na nagkakaganun ang kapatid mo." 

She trailed off. She stopped for a moment before she wiped her tears with her handkerchief.

I saw the pain in her eyes. She loved her sister very much. And this was the first time I saw her crying. Iniangat ko ang kaliwang kamay ko at hinawakan ang pisngi ni Tita. I wiped her flowing tears that kept coming out from her beautiful green eyes. She was still beautiful even though she's in pain.

"I was really sorry. I was...I was sorry because I was the one who put your name in danger. I shouldn't have done this revenge. You should have let me die when I was five. I was so sorry. I-I didn't mean to cause all this pain." Muling uminit ang mga sulok ng mga mata ko and I started crying. 

"Shh Ivy...wala kang kinalaman dito okay? I promise that I wont let anything happen to you or on our family. Hindi ko na rin alam kung ano pang magagawa ko. Now, I want you to take a rest, sweetheart. Sleep tight." And then she flashed a very sweet smile. She stood up before going out of my room. Oo umaga na but I was too tired too. Kulang na kulang na rin ako sa tulog.

I took a deep sigh before closing my eyes.

I'm sorry...