The Player and the Played

30. Letters to Ashley

Dear Ash,
Remember how I told you I'd never date again? Become a nun? Yeah, I lied. I just agreed to be Tyler's girlfriend. Also, remember that list you and I made? The one where we wrote down all the qualities of a perfect guy? It's still here somewhere.

The List
• sense of humour
• a gentlemen
• super sweet
• gets you food
• good guy
• plays the same sport as you
• has a dog
• will never use or manipulate you
• really hot
• confident abt feelings
• perfect

Well, to be honest, Tyler doesn't fit all of those. I remember you had dumped this list when Caleb asked you out and you told me that it didn't matter. You knew Caleb wasn't the perfect guy you had maybe wanted but he was still perfect in your eyes. I didn't get it that time. But now, I do.

Tyler is a player. I never thought that he could be so sweet. I had dated Reese who was also a player because he was my best friend too and I thought he wouldn't break my heart. He did. However, this time I really think Tyler won't hurt me.

I wish you could meet him. He's such an asshole. Actually, he isn't. I can't list a single reason why I call him an asshole, I just do. He's sweet, sarcastic and funny. He gets drunk sometimes but I don't mind it. Heck, I'm not the good girl I used to be either.

He even took me zip lining on your birthday when I was sad. And he asked me out in a completely cliche but totally adorable way. I know that we may be going to separate colleges soon but I think we can work this out. I like him and I actually think he likes me. I don't think I'm just another girl on his long list. I think he's sincere and that's more important.

He's also had a really hard past. And he's slightly broken too. He's put up all these walls just like I had when you left. He let me see him though. And he trusts me. And I trust him. Isn't trust amazing? The belief you put in another person so that you don't have to carry the weight of the work? He's helped me out. I've helped him out.

And he made this amazing speech during the Ball about why he asked me out. I'd thought that it was just because I was there and he didn't want to go alone but it wasn't. He said he asked me out because I was Hailey Greene. He didn't say because I was not like most girls. You know how much I hate that cliche line, even more so now as one of my best friends was stereotyped as the school slut.

Speaking of school, all the stereotypes I've always complained about are slowly dissipating. The Player isn't just his label. He's a sweet and caring guy who is my boyfriend. The Slut is an amazing friend and is one of the strongest people I've met. The Shy Girl (me) has not done so much. The Jock (Jesse) is openly pansexual and isn't a player or anything. The Other Jock (Alec) is dating The Sweet Girl. And I've misjudged so many people but now I'm glad that everything's okay. Even Zac doesn't harass me that much anymore.

I love who am right now. And what I am. I love that I've become a better person. I know I'm not perfect and I'll make tons of mistakes but I also know that I have so much more potential. I've learnt that we all do. We don't all have to be who we think we are. In the beginning of this year, i always thought that I'd be in the shadows, reminiscing about the girl I used to be. But I found a lot of people who were like that and together, we realised the same thing.

I really wish you were here to see it. Everything's great. I just really miss you. So does Bianca. She doesn't say it much but your death affected her a lot too. She's doing really well too. She's only in the seventh but she's so mature for her age. Mom and Dad came for Halloween and I thought that things had changed but they aren't here now.

Well, one step at a time.

But the most important thing is that for the first time for the past four years, i actually think that there is hope. That things will be okay. Maybe I'm at a high point in my life an some event will bring me crashing down again but I know I'll get through it.

I wish you could get this letter. I wish you could get all of them. But in most of the others, I sound like a whiny brat. I miss you so much.

I love you.

Forever

And always

Your annoying sister

Hails.

A/N
Hi people
I finished this in school while bunking.

So I had this basketball thingy and came back before our second break but we're bunking most of the rest of school too. I'm so badass haha. Especially since it's almost impossible to bunk in our school if anyone knows you're there. Also I'm not supposed to have my iPod in school sooooo yeah. I could get into a lot of trouble. Good thing I won't be found.

Anywayyyyyy

Quote
And her lips are like the galaxy's edge and her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place.
- Arabella by Arctic Monkeys.

Song recommendation:

Daddy Issues- The Neighbourhood. It's stuck in my head and I love the lyrics so much
"You ask me what I'm thinking about and I say that I'm thinking about whatever you're thinking about"
"I wrote your name in the rain but the rain never came so I made with the sun"
Etc etc

Ookay

Jello for everyone (raspberry/ orange/ a mix)

Xoxo
Anu.