The Player and the Played

10. In my heart

Another Monday morning. Mondays are so unfair. The teachers expect us to be happy and cheerful and shiz but who expects anyone to be prepared for tests after a weekend. Especially a girl who met her ex, got her friends together (FINALLY) and had her sisters birthday today. I wanted to skip school and head straight to the cemetery but it was pretty far off and all I had was my bike.

Now I know what you're thinking. Why the cemetery? The answer: Ashley. She was my elder sister, three years older. We used to be best friends but as she got older, we drifted apart. As kids we had all those secret languages but then our only language was sarcasm. Then the first tumours appeared. Lung Cancer. Stage 4 lung cancer. She had only a year. We made a bucket list and finished everything on it. That was actually the best year of my life. Ever since then, I always valued my relationship with Bianca. After her death, my parents got divorced. Then we shifted here. Now, our parents are back together. But I was over her death.

Not that I didn't love and miss her. I love and miss her more than anyone can ever imagine which is why I'm moving on with my life, like she wanted me to. But not today. There were too many emotions flowing through me. I couldn't go to the cemetery as it was in the neighbouring town. I wouldn't have anyway.

All these thoughts ran through my mind as I raced towards and into the woods until I reached a clearing. Pushing back the dry emerald and blonde leaves, I entered my safe place.

Everyone has that one place they go to when things get bad. It could be their room or a park or any place that holds a dear memory. This clearing had been the first place my sister and I had bonded after our fights. She was 14 and I was 12 at the time. We would talk about so many things- boys, books, TV shows, etc. When she got cancer, we both came here more often. It was pretty far but we were fast cyclists. She began writing a diary full of advice about different things. Her handwriting was terrible but it was mirrored by my own and I could read it easily. We got out a tent and I put the diary in there. I also covered the walls with drawings, paintings and charcoal sketches. I had also written a few essays which were in another corner. There were two chairs, their once white cushions covered in doodles and quotes.

My sister had been a hopeless romantic and always wanted an Augustus Waters in her life- a girl with lung cancer meets an amazing cute guy with an obsession with metaphors. She didn't meet him, she had known him since she was a kid. She passed away without knowing he had been in love with her. But that's a story for another time.

I shifted through the loose pages inti one caught my eye. The handwriting was smudged with tears and I had definitely written it. Putting away the loose sketches, I began to read.

How much would it take?
I cycled past the cemetery, tears blurring my vision. Another Kilometer or so, the hospital was there. I cycled this way everyday to meet her. Who was she? The person who knew me best. My best friend. The stringed person I had ever known. And the most important fact about her: She had cancer. When the first tumours appeared, I was confused. There was no way my tough badass sister had cancer. She never smoked. None of her friends did. She never touched anything cancerous. She was pretty badass and would disappear for hours and come back with pictures of the most beautiful things. She'd cycle to the other towns and make mysterious friends. People didn't know much about her. Only her best friend, Caleb did. Heck, even I didn't know what she did. All I knew when I saw her pale, wan face, was that I loved her and I couldn't lose her. How much strength would it take if the person closest to you woke up at 4 am screaming and sobbing. If she had to be rushed to the hospital and stayed there, surrounded by tubes. If she cried and held your hand while her beautiful chocolate brown tresses were cut. It would take a lot of strength. And I couldn't afford to let go of mine. I couldn't cry or sob. I had to be strong for her when she couldn't be strong enough for herself. Finally, it was time for the most vital surgery. If it succeeded, I'd have her back. If it failed...no it couldn't fail. It had to succeed.
As these memories ran through my mind, I looked at my sister cycling beside me. "I'm so glad you made it"

I had to give my story a happy ending. But I couldn't give my life a happy ending. The tears flowed swift and fast before I could gather myself. Today I had to be strong again. I would eat her favourite red velvet cupcakes and watch her favourite movie (it was The Fault in Our Stars because she said she could relate to Hazel). I'd read her favourite book series (Harry Potter). She wasn't gone. Not really. She was in those pages and CDs, in the cakes she would bake, in my memories and essays, in my sketches and drawings, and most of all, she would always, always be in my heart.

A/N
Wow, the story got a deep twist didn't it? About the guy, Caleb, he's pretty important, so don't forget him. This whole chapter is pretty important, in fact as it's about her relationship with Ashley. Bianca was 8 years younger than Ashley so they weren't really close and that's why only Hailey skipped school. I'm probably going to write only in Haileys POV because my other POVs were pretty bad and the words come more easily in Haileys POV. I'm also going to update as soon as I can in the next week before school starts.
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Xoxo
Anu