IRREVERSIBLE

CHAPTER 4

You feel lonely not when no-one  cares about you but when someone you expect to care doesn't care about you at all.

   SCARLETT

As I walk by the front yard, I notice all of my mum's cars are still parked at the parking area. She's still home and I don't know whether this makes me glad or not. She didn't ask the watchman not to let me in which is a good sign.

I nervously ring the door bell and wait. Am not sure am ready to meet my mum but I didnt have much of a choice. Maria, our long time household opens the door and the moment she sees me a warm smile is displayed on her face. "Scarlett, where have you been? Are you ok?" Well, at least someone cares about me, too bad it's not my mum.

"Yeah, am fine. Where's my mum?" I asked my voice clipped and formal. "In her room, I believe she's getting ready to leave . Would you like some breakfast?" She looks concerned but the last thing I need is a busy body househelp prying in my issues. "Am good you can leave." I don't mean to be a priss but mingling with the household staff  has never really been my thing.

Am still dressed in Jessica's pyjamas and am really sleepy because we talked to five in the morning meaning I only had three hours of sleep. I contemplate on ignoring my mum and going straight to bed but I don't want to extend the anxiety of not knowing where I stand with her. I mean the last time I saw her she practically threw me out of her car. Maybe she's sorry for it or maybe or maybe she wants me out of her house, either way I have to find out.

"Hi Natalie, how are the preparations coming along........that's good make sure everything is ready by 4pm....."My Mum receives a phone call as she comes out of her room upstairs. She's all dressed up in a white button down blouse, blue high waist fitting skirt and a pair of blue stilettos. She looks her usual sophisticated self.

Our eyes meet as she comes down the stairs but it seems like she saw nothing that would interest her at all. When it comes to ignoring me this woman know no boundaries. She goes back to scrolling her phone, I feel like a stranger in my home. "Hi mum" I try to make her notice me hoping she just didn't see me...My subliminal rolls her eyes. I watch as she gets in the kitchen without giving me  a single glance, leaving my heart feeling crashed and trampled on.

I smile in disbelief, trying   to look unaffected but it hurts. One day I'll block you out of my heart, I'll see you like the stranger you see in me.

I ran upstairs to hide and console my wounded heart. "Hey Scarlett there's a dinner party at my work place this  evening. I want you there at seven, sharply dressed and well behaved, do you understand?" and before I could agree or object she's gone.  I threw my hands in there... Sure mum I'd love to be your play doll tonight.

The parking lot is crowded with all sorts of expensive cars. Men dressed in tuxedos and women  in fancy dresses are all over the place. I get in the building and stare at the banners with names LIZZY AMOR printed on them. She is launching a new collection and she didn't tell me?...How typical.

"Hi Scarlett, how nice to see you again!" Natalie, my mum's PA came to usher me in.
"Nice to see you too, where's my mum?"  I try to feign politeness.
"She's upstairs, preparing the models."
"Can I see her?"
"Um I don't think it's advisable, she's pretty up tight right now trying to do the last minute changes."
"Natalie, am her daughter not one of her clients, and I really need to see her." I brush her off and head for the lifts.

When I get in the backstage I find it busier than a bees comb. The place is full of models, make up artists and dress makers. Immediately I spot my mum talking to some models at the end of the room. I don't know how she would react in seeing me here, but I had to know why she didn't tell me about this fashion show, she more than anyone else knows how I like modelling.