IRREVERSIBLE

CHAPTER 17

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I didn't know looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

'Its for the best' is what I say to myself everytime I feel like I'm going to break. Apparently when it comes to justine my heart remains inconsolable. Its been a month since I last saw him in person, but boy have I stalked him. I always take ample time to check what he's been up to after our break up. This however has been catastrophic to my emotional health given the fact that Justine has been hopping from girl to girl on a daily  basis.

I would spent the whole night crying and cursing him swearing I'll get over him only to find myself going through his facebook profile the next day.  Habit is a disease and I just discovered I'm incurable. Our break up has also increased tension between my mum and I. Every time I look at her all I see is the demon villain in my fairytale but  as usual she has remained aloof to whatever hostile feelings I harbour against her.

She has however relieved me of her leash all thanks to my dedication in studies. I'm proud to say that whenever i'm not stalking Justine or daydreaming about our reunion I engage in thorough studies with major help from candy. My grades have gradually moved from average to good leaving my mum with no excuse to restrain me whatsoever.

Though I know i would immediately lose this privilege the moment I get any where close to Justine.

I get up from bed and drag my legs to the bathroom. For a couple of days now waking up has been quite a struggle and my body has developed a certain dislike for mornings.

Could be the withdrawal symptoms of justine.

I snort at the thought. The finals begin next week and am determined to nail them so all thoughts of justine should be thrown at the back of my mind.

"Morning Mariah." I greet the household as I settle down for breakfast.

"Good morning miss Scarlett, how are you this morning." She places a cup of steaming coffee on the table.

"I'm far from fine. Its five days to my final exams and my panic mode is on already."

"Don't panic....after all the studying you've been doing lately, i'm confident you'll pass." She says. I've really grown to like mariah. I like how she listens to me and helps me out. Unlike my mum she doesn't view me like the annoying little brat that needs discipline. She talks to me like the child that needs direction.  Its a wonder that we've been leaving in the same house and i'm only discovering this now.

"Thanks Mariah."  My mum would rather gorge her eyes out that say something like that to me.

"What's that smell ?" I turn to ask her

"Fried eggs..." before she could finish her statement am overwhelmed by the need to throw up. I rush to the nearest washroom to spill whatever is threatening to come out but nothing happens. 

I walk back to the kitchen to find Mariah's  curious eyes on me.

"Are you ok?"

"Frankly speaking I don't know. I've been feeling kind of weird lately." I say but before sitting down my stomach clenches and the need to throw up flashes at my throat. I rush back at the washroom with Mariah trailing behind my back.

"I think you need to see a doctor." She suggests.

"Nuh, I think it's just my nervous system responding to the exam jitters." I shrug it off. I walk back to the kitchen my appetite completely gone.

"Thats a new one." She says her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Drop it Mariah I'll be fine."

As days go by I get more and more nervous. My mornings get weighed down by nausea and headaches. Mariah has been on my neck about seeing a doctor which I know I should but am scared of what I'll find out.