Narrator: There once was a little kindergardener; lets just call him Tim. This is a very unfortunate thing on his part.
Tim: Mrs. Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Do you know your ABC's yet?
Tim: ...... um.... n-no?
Teacher: Well come back tomorrow, and if you have learned it by then, maybe you can go next time. For now you'll just have to hold it.
Narrator: Young Tim went home that day, hoping to ask his family about the alphabet. First, he went to his older sister (we'll call her 'Sally'), who just so happened to be on the phone.
Tim: Sally, what's the first letter of the alphabet?
Sally: Shut-up! *le sassiness*
••
Narrator: Next, Tim went to his father, who was watching the football game on TV.
Tim: Daddy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?
Narrator: At that same moment, the father's favorite team (the Ravens) scored the winning touchdown, and he fist pumped the air.
Dad: Yess!
••
Narrator: After that, Tim went to his brother (whom we shall call Robert), who was watching Batman.
Tim: Robby, what's the third letter of the alphabet?
Robert: Da-na na-na na-na na-na
BAT-MAAAN!!
••
Narrator: Now he went to his mother, who was making hotdog buns.
Tim: Mommy, what's the fourth letter of the alphabet?
Narrator: At exactly the moment our little Tim asked this, the timer went off.
Mom: My buns are ready!! *in sing-song voice*
••
Narrator: Finally, he went to his grandfather, who was watching the garbage truck.
Tim: Grampy, what is the sixth letter of the alphabet?
Grandpa: *in sing-song(ish) voice* In the garbage *voice pitch becomes a bit higher*, in the garbage!
•••••••••
Narrator: Then when he went to school the next day, Tim felt pretty confident with his knowledge of the 'alphabet' (wink wink nudge nudge).
Teacher: Tim?
Tim: Yes, Mrs. Teacher?
Teacher: Have you learned the alphabet?
Tim: *nods*
Teacher: Alrighty then, let's hear it.
Tim: Shut-up!
Narrator: He said this in the same sassy, bratty way his sister Sally had. The teacher points to the door.
Teacher: Go to the principal's office!!!
Tim: Yess!
Narrator: He fist-pumps the air, just as his father had done. When he got to the principal's office, it was like she had been there waiting for him there.
Principal: What is your name, son?
Tim: Da-na na-na na-na na-na
BAT-MAAAN!!
Narrator: He sang out the theme song, just as his brother had. At this point, the ill-tempered principal was looking quite irritated.
Principal: Do you want a spanking?
Tim: My buns are ready!!
Narrator: He sang, using the same sing-song voice his dear mother had. At this point, the principal was just flat out, no-doubt-about-it, pissed. At this point, she was almost yelling at the unsuspecting Tim.
Principal: Where are your parents!?!
Tim: *in sing-song(ish) voice*
In the garbage
*voice pitch becomes a bit higher*,
in the garbage!
YOU ARE READING
Lol: The Joke Book
HumorA book filled with jokey-joke-jokes that get better as the book progresses. In honor and loving memory of Robin Williams, who was loved by many and will be missed by all. May he rest in peace.
