I'll Be Holding on to You

date night

We let Evie do our makeup with prom night precision and I tried not to get caught gazing stupidly at Freak as we got ready.

I failed because Cam stopped me on the way out. "Tone it down, bb," he whispered ultra quietly into my ear as he hugged me.

I sighed. "I'm trying," I said out loud.

"Try harder," he said, trying not to smile at my predicament. He returned to the living room where Evie and Freddy were rewatching Firefly because it was Evie's favorite and she always wanted to watch it. 

She was dressed as Ariel, which was one of her simpler costumes and one of the few she used semi regularly. A perfectly red wig accompanied a plain blue dress with a black bodice and periwinkle sleeves. An oversized matching blue bow topped it off. Her makeup gave her already elfin face a totally big-eyed Disney look.

Mohammed also felt he had to harass me from where he was smoking on the porch. "You're crazy, girl," he said, half in admiration.

"I know, Moey, be quiet, would ya." I wanted to smoke but I didn't want to smell like it plus Freak would bitch and moan.

He gave me a weighty look. "Be oh so careful," he said. "For real, though."

I returned his look. "Dude. You know we will."

He grinned a little. "Have fun, or should I say good luck?"

"I hate you," I told him. "Just so we're on the same page, and all." I narrowed my eyes and stuck my tongue out as I got into the driver's seat of Cam's car. It was almost dark.

Freak smirked. "What, no smoking?" she couldn't help but goad me as I pulled out of the driveway, studiously concentrating on the road and not the view of her in her sparkly white scoop-necked shirt in my peripherals.

"I swear to God," I told her. "Leave me alone."

"Unfuckinglikely." She turned up the music to deafening levels, the way we liked it, and flipped down the mirror to check her red lipstick. "I guess I can drink my pain away. I haven't eaten in so long I've almost gotten used to it."

I made a derisive noise. "For fuck's sake. It's been a couple of days. And you've been eating plenty."

"Not real food, though. Not delicious food." She was happy with her reflection, because she wasn't blind, and put the visor up. 

Then we were at the little bar/restaurant and I pulled into a spot that was open in front. It was a little upscale and we'd eaten there a few times.

Some old guy held the door for us on his way out, and when we entered I saw them over in the corner, at a booth for four. Perfect.

Gage saw us and waved us over, standing up. He was pleasantly surprised to see Erika with me, and hugged both of us. He sat back down on the same side as Mara and I felt Erika relax because she didn't want to sit next to someone she barely knew. Neither did I, for that matter. 

They both had drinks in front of them. Hers was pink with a green olive on a toothpick, his something amber on the rocks in a tumbler.

"Erika, my good friend Mara. Mara, Erika." Gage offered the basket of bread sticks to us as I slid in first so I was across from Mara.

"Nice to meet you," Erika said, too stiffly, but I knew she would unwind. She was trying really hard to act normal. It took it out of you.

"You, too," Mara said warmly. I could see she was trying to figure out our relationship.

Being bi for me meant I was more or less equally into guys and girls, which of course the rest of the group knew. 

Erika was, of course, on her own level as far as I was concerned. Or rather, pedestal. The way I felt about her was undefinable. For as long as I could remember, it had been that way. If she knew she had never let on.