I'll Be Holding on to You

crazy girl

I fixed my hair and wiped her lipstick off my mouth as we rejoined the group. It was almost one. Mo was still reading, leaning against the car. Cam was drawing, and Freddy was sitting cross legged with Evie. The two of them were playing this advanced version of Tic Tac Toe they'd made up a long time ago.

Erika and Gage were in the far back seat of the SUV, the door open. She'd removed the dome light as we usually did when we were there. I tried not to appear interested but I was at once desperate to know if she was kissing him. As far as I knew, she'd kissed two guys when we were teens but that was it. Neither was more than a peck, either.

"Don't worry," Mara whispered in my ear, giving me goose bumps even on my scalp. "Gage is a gentleman."

I half smiled. "Freak's not exactly a shrinking violet, if he oversteps his boundaries," I said. Yes, those shadows definitely looked kissy. Fuck. "When did it get freezing?"

"What were you doing that you didn't notice it got freezing?" Mo winked.

"Stuff," I said, catching Mara's eye, and we both started giggling.

"You ever seen lesbian porn, Moey?" she asked through the giggles, and I clapped a hand over my mouth.

"Oh my," he said, amused. Cam was also smiling, shaking his head as he sketched.

Erika stuck her head out of the door. "You guys ready to get going? I'm exhausted. I blame Dory and her kicking in bed. I haven't slept well in like four nights."

I tried to hide my smile as Mara's disappeared. Fucking Freak and her fucking territory claiming. 

Mara raised her eyebrows at me, questioning.

"Dory does kick," Cam jumped in, casual.

"Yeah, she does. We've always had like, m-major sleepovers. Our group, you know?" Mo put in his own hand at saving the situation. "Whoever gets the sh-short straw has to sleep by Dory."

"Fuck you guys," I said, but it was true about the kicking. I generally only slept with Cam or Erika, but I didn't see the need to get overexplanatory.

"You get the short straw a lot?" Mara asked Erika, regarding her in the doorway of the SUV.

Erika had no problem holding her eyes. "Like every night," she said smoothly. She winked with a smirk. "I'm practically used to the kicking, now. Plus Dory's bed is the most comfy. I've got this bad back, and all."

"Bedtime," Cam said, closing his notebook with a slap. It broke the staring contest, or pissing contest, between Freak and Mara, which was his intention, and we all piled back into the car. 

I sat in the middle row in the middle seat, Mara on my left with her hand burning on my knee, Mo on my right. Evie rode shotgun and Cam chaperoned the two behind me. Mara traced designs on my knee and thigh on the way home, leaving me little room to think of anything else.

At home we changed into pajamas and everyone crashed around the living room. Erika stretched out on one of the couches, playing with her phone. Hopefully not texting Gage.

God, why was I like this. "What're you doing," I asked, stifling a huge yawn. "C'mon."

"My back is actually pretty fuckin' good tonight," she said mildly, not looking away from her phone. "I'll be cool here."

"Um, okay," I said, like she was weird.

She looked up briefly. "Dude. I really do need a break from the kicking. Don't take it personally and shit."

It was probably true but it still stung. "Sure, whatever, more room for me," I said, sounding stiff even to myself. "Bye, Felicias," I said to the room in general, mounting the stairs before the tears could spill out of my stupid eyes in front of everyone. I got in my bed all sad and alone and told myself it would be nice to stretch out but I was lying.