I'll Be Holding on to You

la douleur exquise

At home everyone except Mo was outside and barbecuing. "I'm so hungry," I said as we went out there, trying to sneak under Freddy's arm to steal something off the grill. "Where's Moey?"

"He's taking a nap." Freddy slapped my hand. "Ruffian."

"Shopping makes me hungry." I sat on the grass in the shade with a bag of white cheddar puffs.

"Everything makes you hungry, I've relearned." He chuckled and used his arm to brush his cowlicked orange curls off his forehead.

"Quiet, Ginger." I looked at Evie in a chair nearby. "I hope you checked that for spiders," I told her.

"Ha, ha." She was wearing elf ears and a tiara in one of her blue wigs. A white Cleopatra-esque sleeveless dress with a v-neck perfected it. She was reading.

Cam came over to sit by me. He had his notepad and his hair was in his face. Business as usual. I took his right wrist and turned it over to look at the scars. He was left handed and so had held the razor blade with that hand. I flashed on him in the dry tub, fully clothed, blood pooling around him, soaking into his clothes, passed out and slipping away fast. Less than twenty four hours after I found Hadley in the same place. I lifted his hand and kissed his wrist on the tattoo which read death too must be earned.

He met my eyes questioningly. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm just glad you're here," I said, simply.

He shrugged a little. "I'm glad you're glad," he said noncommittally.

"I'm glad," Evie put in, taking our picture, and he smiled at her.

"I'm glad," Freddy added, waving the tongs.

"I'm glad, ya fuckin' nutjob," Freak added her love. She was going in the house and shoved his head as she walked by. He swiped at her halfheartedly and I turned a little to watch her walk into the house, appreciative. Cameron closed his eyes for a moment with a faint smile to let me know how sad I was. I shoved him too.

My phone was buzzing and I found it in my purse. Mara. Want to hang out

I wasn't up for it. I just got home. Tomorrow?

Absolutely. So tell me some of your favorite quotes. If you're not busy

I'm just waiting for food to be ready because Freddy's slow af grilling, I sent, eating some more cheese puffs. He's no Gage.

Subpar grill skills, smh.

I know right, I wrote, smiling a little.

"Tell your girlfriend I said hi," Erika said, reemerging from the house.

"Probably not," I murmured, raising an eyebrow as I continued texting some of my favorite quotes. "She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire."

Haven't heard that one. Might have to get it on my body :)

I loved it, too. Yeah, it's one of my favorites. K this might seem trite but I love this, too; Hemingway: "The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed."

I have that on the inside cover of my journal!!!

I wondered what it said about me in there. Nice. Safe to say you have good taste. 

I like you, don't I?

I ducked my head to hide my smile and checked the food situation. Freddy was finally putting it onto plates. "Fucking finally," I said.