Unforgivable

Awake

I woke up thrashing around with doctors and nurses in the room trying to hold me down.

"Marco," a calm, yet worried voice said. I continued thrashing ignoring the voice and everyone else. One of the doctors tightened their grip on me with their sweaty hands. A cop entered the room with cuffs. The cop grabbed my right arm and cuffed it to a bar by the bed.

"Calm down Marco, you're at the hospital," a voice whispered over my thrashing and soft whimpering. "Your dad's here and your mom is coming," the same voice said terrifying me.

"Son heel," my dad said making me stop terrified. My shaking was visible and my eyes were shut tight. I was still thrashing a bit but had settled.

My mind rolled back to the dream, the memory. Pride was now the worst day ever. He died and he wasn't even gay, he did it for me and he died because of it. He died because of me. It was all my fault. I started to tear up and I felt someone grab my arm while another one sighed.

"Son," I rubbed my arm against the cuffs then started to swing my other arm over my head all around me, kicking my legs up and all over the place.

"Mr. Braker we need you to leave the room," someone said. I heard people leave and enter, but didn't understand what was going on. I felt hands grab my knees, elbows, and wrists. After a while, I was pinned down. My torso was still fighting their grips but was failing miserably. I opened my eyes some but closed them immediately. Light burned my eyes which made me feel useless and weak.

"Turn the lights down," a voice calmly demanded. It got darker than it was through my eyelids. I opened my eyes some and calmed down. The grips on my arms loosened along with the ones on my wrists and knees. They didn't let go but it wasn't as tight as before. I looked up to find a nurse that looked very familiar. Mrs. Blare, Sarah Blare she had been assigned to me the last time I came here.

When my brother died I had suffered a gunshot wound and depression along with anxiety, but I had those before the accident.
Before the accident I had depression but it got way worse after the accident along with my anxiety. I had to go to the doctors three times from attempted suicides, but after a while, I stopped.

About two and a half days later was when the life sentence started. My dad put a door where the 'gay away' center was. He replaced everything inside. Instead of crosses there are whips, instead of pictures of God there are bags, instead of incense there are knives, instead of a bible, there are ropes. More and more things came into the room over the years.

A year later my dad thought he'd see what the big idea was about being gay and used me as his toy. Not long after that, he started making me watch him and my mom going at it. I'm nothing in this family and even though it hurts and is torture, I deserve it.

I look back at everything and all I've caused is pain. For my mom, I killed her favorite son and took the attention. For my brother I told his girlfriend off, I almost made mom kill herself, and I killed him. For my dad I took his son, I'm gay, and all I've caused is trouble. I embarrassed him in front of his friends, I came out, I always talked back, I did things to everyone I loved and killed everything that could love me. I did this and I deserve to pay.

"Marco, what happened?" a police officer asked waking me from my trance. I shook my head 'no' and turned away from him wincing at the pain I hadn't felt before. I remembered everything that happened, I remember the kicks and punches and names. I wanted to say something, they brought back a memory I had tried so hard to forget. But I didn't want to make things worse.

"Marco, what happened?" Sarah asked. I didn't move or say anything. Besides even if I wanted to say something my mouth was way to dry.