Unforgivable

Fuck Off

My alarm was currently ringing, yelling at me to get out of my safe comfortable bed. I listened and got up. My clothes were ready for me, thanks to being home alone. Thankfully my dad got called into work early and he always brings my mom. I had time to shower, eat, go outside, play some video games (stalk Luke), and even had time to breathe without being beat or yelled at.

With my hair done I pulled my shirt over my head and completed my look with my signature choker. I grabbed my things and ran outside grabbing my skateboard. My music blasted through the headphones and the wind ruffled my hair, making me regret not wearing a beany. I was happy today and nobody could ruin that.

I did my bus routine, but when I got off Lacy was waiting for me.

"Hey, how are you? Who did this to you? I mean they have their own story but, are you hurting?" she continued to walk and talk with me. I didn't mind she was OK company.

I walked to my locker and grabbed my stuff listening to Lacy talk away. It was weird she asked questions, she knew I wouldn't answer and yet she would wait a couple of seconds for an answer.

I walked into my class Lacy not far behind. She stopped mid-sentence and looked at where she usually sat and where I was sitting. She sighed then came off to where I was.

"My brother is going to kill me for talking to you,"

It's not you that he'll want to kill, I thought to say. I didn't.

I walked past Lacy's table to where I sit at lunch. She followed. I sat down and got my sketchbook out. The drawing I was working on yesterday had a dragon and person involved. The dragon had spikes here and there and the scales were big. The person was male and he carried a sword.

I started to shade the scales of the dragon when Lacy's brother walked over.

"Look faggot you can attack us but leave my sister out," he said coming up about to slap me.

"I chose to sit here," Lacy spoke up before he could get to close.

"Are you trying to hurt me," he said as if he were disappointed.

"Don't pull that crap with me,"

"You're going to ruin everything," he walked closer to her. She stood her place.

"Ruin what I'm just sitting with him,"

"Everything,"

"God I'm sorry if you can't bring sluts home after this but at least I know right from wrong,"

"Sluts?"

"Don't act innocent your not as quiet as you think you are,"

People gasped in the background. "At least I go after people I know want me," her brother was getting loud now.

"God, you don't get it,"

"Get what?"

"I feel bad for him," she began to cry a bit. Her brother held her close to him and she started to cry harder. People were staring at them with sympathy. Anger filled within me. Mark would be here if he was my friend, I thought, he isn't he hates me. I looked at them then at Luke. How could he ever like me? The cuts on my arms inched. The bruises around my neck yelled at me. My blade was in my phone case, and all I needed to do was wrap my hands around my neck.

They continued to talk back and forth. The anger grew.

"You don't have to torture yourself,"

"Your right," my voice was scratchy and weak but the words made their way out. People were silent. "I am weak, stupid, ugly, and gay, but at least I can love who I am no matter what happens,"

Silence.

"Brother died, still gay. Get beat up every day, still gay. Get bullied all the time, still gay. I, personally, think you're just jealous because I know how to keep my legs closed, I know how to stay quiet, and I know how to shut you up," I turned around. The room now contains murmurs. I flipped a couple of pages until finally, I found it.

I ripped the page out and shoved it at Lacy's brother's chest. Cole, the name came to me finally. "Top this," I said. I shoved past him and sped walked to guys bathroom.

The drawing I gave him had a guy with everything he hates going on around him. It had Luke, Damian, Simon, Cole, Lacy, their whole group. It had my dad, the closet, my mom, and a pride flag. I had finished it three days after I got out of the hospital after my brother died.

The bathroom was empty and I was thankful. My phone is in my back pocket, I pulled it out and took the case off enough to grab my blade. The blade had a faint tint of blood on one of the edges but the rest of it is silver.

The blade, my blade, touched my skin and tickled my senses. I pushed a little harder and saw red come down from my arm. Warm, soft, red, liquid ran down my arm. I brought my blade away from my arm and lowered my head down to my arm licking some blood off.

"Hello," a soft voice said from behind the wall by the door. I pulled my sleeve down and stuffed the blade in my pocket quickly. When I looked back up I saw Luke.