His Mute Mate

Ch.23

Winter

I feel like im going crazy, how is she in my head? That's because you are going crazy my sweet Winter. Why is she real like not just in my head anymore? How does she even know me? Why is this happening now? So many questions fly through my head along with all the dark thoughts. What's wrong with me? Everything. Why am hearing other peoples voices? Because your crazy and you know it. How do she know me? Because of past. Why doesn't she smell like a wolf if she's able to mind link me? I have my ways you'd be surprised all the hiding wolves at this school. How is she even able to mind link me? For every question she has an answer and its kinda scary.

As soon as the bell rings im the first one out. I need to get as far away from her as possible. "Hey pet are you gonna go to tutoring today" I hear Josh's hiss of a voice always saying things with double meanings. "You made me really sad yesterday" her says coming closer "I think you should make it up to me" he whispers in my ear. Its hard to believe the change from yesterday to today, if it was yesterday I would have pushed him away and told him leave me alone but today I don't think I can even tell him to stop. "Aw are you not gonna fight back today you know it was kinda hot watching you stand up for yourself" He says and just look down. "Come get angry" he whispers and I simply walk past him and towards next period.

Sadly I still have to deal with Josh and now Alex to as she has this class. As of right now im sandwiched between the two. Josh on my left and Alex on my right. "Why are you ignoring me pet" he whispers. You deserve everything he has and will do to you. I don't even have the energy to tell the voice in my head to stop much less Josh. Its getting harder to keep Dean out of my head to but im trying my hardest to I don't want to burden him with my problems. Good girl you learn fast im glad that you finally understand no one cares about you. "Pet come on im getting bored" he says "do you remember what happened last time I was bored I know I do" he says. I can't concentrate on anything the teacher is saying and its taking to much energy to pretend like I know what their saying so I just put my head down. "Why won't you talk to me" he says putting his hand on my thigh but I hardly register that's it there. Suddenly the bell rings and I jump out of my seat and out the door wondering where the time went. "Hey winter I everything ok everyone's worried about you" Sam asks when she see me in the hall I only nod and walk away.

"Hey freak you know your not good enough for Dean he needs someone that's mentally stable and pretty like me" Britney says pushing me against someone's locker. She's right your not good enough never were and will be. When I don't get up right away she starts kicking me everywhere except where someone would see the bruise. "Your such a freak you probably only burden Dean with problems" she sneers at me. "He's only still with you out it of pity" her voice is abrasive as she kicks me again. Its true. "Its fair for girls like me who would be much better for him" she says in the same tone of voice. Then the late bell rights and she runs of to class with one last kick.

Why can't it all just stop? Why does everyone have to choose today to bully me? Why did Alex have to be a real person that everyone can see? Because your worthless and deserve it. I just want it all to stop but to powerthrough the day. If I don't then I'll have to go home meaning that I will be alone with my thoughts where I can do bad things. Its not like anyone would care if anything they'd be happy. I decide I won't be able to go to third so I just go and sit in bathroom for the class.

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The bell rings meaning its time to go home. I spent the whole day ignoring all of my friends I didn't go to lunch, I didn't answer my phone, and I didn't talk to any of them. Not like you'd be able to. Yeah I wouldn't be able to talk to them because im weak and pathic. Im so surprised your learning so fast maybe there is something your good at... Ha just kidding. I wish there was a way to block her out like I do with Dean but im not even fully sure she's real. I get in my drive home and go straight to my room, my body and brain on autopilot.

After a while I zone out and lose track of everything until I hear my phone go of with a text. Of course I go to see who its from only to feel my entire being break. I knew I was leading up to a break down but why. Why can't I just get better? Everyone always says its supposed to get better. Ive seen thousands of stories about people who got better. So why can't I?

Unknown: you should just kill yourself

Maybe I will at the moment it seems like the only way to end all of my suffering. To make it all stop. You'll make the world a better place. I nod to myself and pull out my blades looking for the one I'll use to set myself free. Go for the sharpest one. Slowly I pull out my sharpest and press it against my skin. Don't go to deep all at once take it slow get deeper with each cut. I drag the blade across my skin and watch as little drops of blood rush to the surface and run down my arm. I do it again and again when I get to 12 I start to feel a little lightheaded but I know im down yet. More. I was just about to add another when my door burst open. "Winter please stop don't do it I need you" Dean says with tears streaming down his face. Lies. 'No you don't im just a burden to you im sorry ive been bothering you for so long' I tell him. "Your not a burden and you don't bother me. You help me get through all my dark moments I need you. Im nothing without you your my everything. Your my air my life support. Without you there is no me so please stop" the tears are streaming down my face now to. I almost believe him until he's lying he just wants to seem like he cares. 'YOUR LYING YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME NOBODY DOES SO YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING' I yell.

"You don't know how wrong are what Alice, and Sammie, and Kylie they care about you" he says and only stare at him. 'They'd be happier if I was gone' I say plainly. "You know that's not true and even still what about Jake and Max" he says his eyes filling with more tears. He doesn't mean it. 'They don't care about me' my voice devoid of emotion. "Fine then about your brother Pete" he tries, 'all I ever do is cause problems and more stress in his life' it's true everything im saying is true. "What about.... What about me Winter I love you and without you I won't be able to cope with anything I won't be able to do anything. I'll still walk around and be alive on the outside but on the inside I'll be dead. Please just stay alive for me" he says and I drop my blade. No what are you doing he's lying he's just gonna hurt you. Well that's a risk im willing to take. 'Im so sorry Dean im sorry' I tell him and I mean it. 'Im not ok please help me I need you to help me' I plead and he looks up at me. "Im not gonna leave you Winter im staying here by your side until I die and then I'll watch over you from above"he say slowly stepping towards me. "Come one lets get you cleaned up" he says and grabs my hand with the uninjured wrist and leads me towards my bathroom. 'Im sorry im so sorry' is all im able to say as he cleans up my cuts. After that he stays with ne and we talk about our feelings but even after tonight I don't fully open up. I don't tell him about Alex or just how bad its getting. I don't tell him about how im completely numb. Then we fall asleep cuddled up against each other both fearing the same thing. Losing each other
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So I was honestly crying while writing this. If there's anyone dealing with depression right now please know that your not alone and that your loved. If you guys ever need to talk please don't be afraid to message me I'll listen even if you just need to vent I'll be there...... But on a lighter note did you guys like the chapter?

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