Story of Randomness 2 (COMPLETED)

Ugh

{Tuesday, January 16th, 2018}

It's been a bad day.

Michael has been on my mind all day.

Seeing him in science class didn't help my situation.

The best part of my day was laughing with my friends in fourth block.

I just keep thinking back to all our good memories. When things seemed perfect and it seemed like we were perfect for each other.

And then I come back to reality and remember that he's not speaking to me.

And I want to message him just to tell him that I miss him.

But I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of his response.

I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same.

I'm afraid that he's moved on.

But there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head that keeps saying that we are meant to be together still.

No matter how many times I tell myself I don't need him and he's no good for me, I keep wanting him back.

I miss the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around my waist.

I miss the feeling of his warm hand intertwined with mine.

I miss the feeling of my stomach fluttering every time he said that he loved me.

I miss seeing his name pop up on my screen with a cute text that puts a smile on my face.

I miss being able to look into his hazel eyes and forget about the world around us.

I miss him.

But I can't help feeling that I'll never get him back.

I should've never sent that text back in September.

I wish I didn't fall in love with him.

I wish I hadn't gotten my heart shattered into a million pieces.

I wish I could feel truly happy again.

Because the truth is, I'm not happy.

I'm depressed af.

I want to end the suffering.

I don't want to feel anything anymore.

I'm tired of feeling sad and depressed.

I just want to be happy. Truly happy.

I want someone to hold me and tell me that I'm safe and everything is going to be okay.

I want someone to hold my hand and reassure me that this life is worth living.

I want someone to love me no matter what and never leave me.

I'm tired of the pain I feel everyday.

The pain of a broken heart.

I feel as though I can't trust anyone enough to stay. I'm always on my guard.

I've been left multiple times no matter what I do to try to get them to stay.

I put my faith in the wrong people and I end up getting hurt.

I don't want to get hurt anymore.

If you say you're always going to stay and be with me, then do it.

Don't up and leave me one day.

Stay with me.

I need someone to cling to. I need someone to help me. I need someone to pull me out of this dark hole that I'm sinking in to.

Because I can't go it alone anymore.

It feels as though no one understands. It feels as though I'm all alone. It feels as though no one wants me.

I feel like a burden on everyone.

It would be so easy to leave this world and enter the next. To forget everyone.

But I'm not going to leave. If I say I'm going to stay with you, I'm going to stay.

I'm here to stay, no matter how sad and depressed I become.

Because I'm trying to be as loyal as I can.

I'm trying to be faithful.

I'm trying to be trustworthy.

I just want someone to STAY.

caitlin1_ Smart_Ravenclaw honorjdirks7 LELE904 Princeofthestars JungkookieKayle luvingheart The_Fluffy_Pit_Bull

Will you all stay?

Will you all be here for me to hold onto?

Will you all pull me out of the dark hole I'm slowly sliding in to?