Regret is a strange thing, it creeps up so slowly, but When it arrives it swallows you whole, grasping You in it's open grip.
What brings regret. Is it the aftermath of ones actions. A wishing in the heart and mind that a person could redo their decisions.
Many might find regret as a bad thing, but in all reality, it is not. With regret we know that we feel ashamed, that we recognize we have done a wrong doing. Regret parts us from others, regret is what makes us real.
Austin was no where to be seen the following Saturday, he left early in the morning, and still hadn't returned in the late afternoon. Part of me rejoiced in his ghosting actions, however, another half of me cried out for his presence.
I had taken the letter, and placed it in the middle part of a small bucket of flowers, writing from the not so country girl on it. That evening I had locked myself into my wooden room, tossing things macanickly into my bags, not really trying to feel any emotion, as I hastily tore my room apart for all things.
Why did it all have to end like this
Once again I found myself in my room, just sitting there, trying again not to feel, my hands in my palms, as I replayed everything that had ever happened in my head.
Somehow I always seamed to pause when my mind shifted to him. That's when I would feel it. Pain, thrusting through my head, aching and managing to cause me to become human once again.
I knew that if he knew who I really was he would hate me, maybe that would hurt a little to much.
Maybe I could just leave, and he would only exist in my memory.
Things will be better that way.
When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
Angrily switching my music off, I slid my phone in my back pocket, why do all songs have to be about love, why can't they be about how love never happens, why can't they be about how you fall in love but it never works out.
I didn't care how wrinkled my clothes were anymore, I shoved them in, muttering under my breath about how nothing ever fit.
"The city girl is going back to the city huh?" Blinking, I grimaced when I came face to face with the guy who starred in my dreams. Why was I feeling suddenly happy, even with that blonde haired jerk standing in the doorway I got Getty like a school girl.
This isn't good
"Cut it with you're stupid lines," I shot back, yanking at the zipper. I didn't look up to see what his response was, but I guess he wasn't gonna help me, kuz he just stood there eying me like he always did, earning his nickname as a jerk.
"You sure don't seam happy about going back," he muttered, leaning off the doorway. I just rolled my eyes, as though that was an original move, he seamed to just ignore me, as he effortlessly closed my bag, dropping it as though he had just saved my life or something.
" don't get ahead of yourself," I remarked, winking in his direction, however I turned away, so he wouldn't see the longing look that took over my features a moment later.
" maybe if you roll your eyes enough you will find a brain back there." Snorting I turned once again, a stupid annoyed smile on my face, i wasn't really sure what I was feeling, as I walked up to him, taking the seat next to him on the edge of my bed, my bag still sitting on the floor, a reminder of what would be happening soon.
"You sure are a jerk today," I smeared, leaning back on my elbows, as I stared off at the ABBA poster that still sat on my wall.
I don't want to talk
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
"You know something," Austin jumped up to his feet, glancing back to see if I had gotten up too. Deciding to not put up a fight I got up too, not saying anything as I followed the weirdo straight out of the house. He walked down the steps past the pool, and out onto the farm, I let the air escape my cheeks the dogs jumping on me as though they had never seen my face before.
"Come on, Since you are leaving, there is something I was gonna show you, but kinda forgot." He smiled, "I'll race you, I didn't have a chance to respond before he took off, hustling down the countryside.
"I don't even know where we are going," my breath came out short as we raced one after another, Only the feeling of our beating hearts to have a sign of our existence, and at the moment I was just a normal girl with a normal past, who could maybe think she was a country girl.
"Hurry you looser," he screamed from over his shoulder, all I could say was shut up, kuz I took that moment to dart past the idiot, breaking through the bushes, I almost toppled over when Austin nearly slammed into me. He caught his balance, using a tree for support, his breath catching up with him, I thought This would be a great time to give him a piece of his own medicine
"Having a rough time there pretty boy," I shot him a wicked grin, my eyes latching onto his for the shortest of seconds, how could I possibly leave, I wish I could just tell him, and he would forgive me, I knew it was a long shot, how could anyone get over such a terrible thing.
"What are you just going to stand there and swoon, take a picture sweetheart."I blinked, not realizing I had been eying him for who knows how long, good thing I had a brain, and good thing it worked quick.
"Sweetheart, how original, definitely better than previous nicknames." . He shrugged, I knew we were both trying to forget that all of this would end soon, whatever we had would come to a stop faster then any of us could say goodbye.
"What made you leave, why?" He leaned off the tree, and all I could focus on was how close he was at that moment, I shrugged his question off, my brain screaming the answer, but inside my head.
" I'm not cut out for the country, you know I never was," I didn't look at him, as I attempted to walk down the hill, "it doesn't matter anyway. Before me stood a simple barn, not fancy but it looked like someone had worked hard on it.
"Brianna, was it something I did," he stopped, his hand forming around my arm, "I promise I won't do it again, any other girl, gone, I won't be mean if that's what you want. I had never seen him so eager, or Whatever it was, all I wanted to do was throw my arms around the lost looking guy who stood before me.
"It's not you Austin, you know I'm just as mean as you are, I just, I miss home, I miss my boyfriend." Huge lie, all lies, I'm such a bad liar, I knew it didn't sound convincing in the slightest, but it was The best I could muster up at that moment. He nodded, letting go of my arm, I watched his figure walk toward the barn, not knowing if I should follow or not. I hate myself, all I want to do is cry.
"Why don't you just stay," he didn't look at me when he said this, I didn't know if I wanted him to or not, but this made me feel guilty, as though I had done something wrong.
"Austin you know things will be better when I'm gone, you don't have to pretend to like me." He shrugged in response, I knew I would run to him in a heartbeat, but that just wasn't going to happen, because by the time I got there there wouldn't be one.
"You don't have to pretend to hate me anymore," He mumbled, catching the door open, I stepped in, however when I saw what was inside I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.
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Sorry this update took so long, but I hope you enjoy it also one careers is amazing I can't wait to get to 2000 reads
YOU ARE READING
Country romance now completed
ChickLitWhat she had done was unforgivable. What happens when she falls into the life of the man whom her actions had affected the most? With any move he could ruin her, With twists and turns get ready for a ride of a lifetime!
