Insight

Reach

Hey. It's good to see you again, where've you been? It's been so long, literally. So long since I've seen this peace inside of my mind. The quiet room. The place that builds me.

Hey, everything may seem to look bad now, but hold your head up and try to attain a fresh start, it'll be okay. It won't hurt, I promise. There's nothing you need to worry about. I won't let the bad people hurt you, not again. You're safe now, seriously. Yes, you can keep your shield up. But don't fight, just observe from now on, okay? It'll be a lot easier especially on your emotions. There are things you need to do however, like fixing yourself. Some of your habits maybe? New routines? I don't really know, but I do know that you're in a lot of pain right now. That's why I'm here. That's why you're back. We can come back from this I promise, just follow me I'll lead the way. You can trust me if no one else, always. You won't regret it I promise.

Hey, you're not a failure, you're not insignificant. You're strong and you have power. You have a handle on life whether you realise it or not. You have people that care about you, even when it feels like you don't. You do, they're there, they'll always be there. In your heart, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. They'll always be with you, but you've gotta recognise that for yourself. You've gotta learn to see through the dark and find your way back to the light. Then, you'll be happy again. You have the key to the door, open it.

Y'know, you're a two sided spectrum on a two sided spectrum. Happy and sad, Home and where you are now, The Originals and the friends you have now. Gosh, you really are fucked up huh? But that's okay, I'll put you back together again. Just leave it to me, it'll be okay I promise. In the meantime, I have faith that you've got this. You can handle whatever life throws at you head on, I know you can. I believe in you, and having strength always has to start from within, right? Isn't this what you've been trying to work on for so long? Being strong for yourself? Well now you're there, now do something with it. Make something happen, and make sure they're good things. Well, for now I'm afraid we must part ways, until we meet again my other self.

I'm worried about you. Don't make me regret it, okay?

The Lifted

Thanks, I appreciate it, really. But the thing is whenever you're not around I get back to my old ways, I shut down. I'm mad. I don't understand. Right now even, I'm so indifferent, so mad yet I don't have a single reason to be. It's dumb, it sucks. It's like being caught in between two doors that both only open outwards and don't have handles on the side you're on. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do.

You say I have strength? Well where is it? I don't feel strong. I don't feel any different than I did before you took my place. I still feel weak and insignificant. The only reassuring factor is that me feeling like two different people was kind of confirmed, but the fact that I need that to bring you out is the part that worries me so much. What if bad things happen because of it? I'd lose that side of me. You seem so happy and so worriless. So carefree and positive and that's what I want, but bringing you out is the only way I can be like that and well, I wish it was me always, like without having to do that. Y'know? I feel at peace when you're here and once you go back to being dorment, I become like this again. All I need is to be happy but I don't know if I can be as happy anymore.

You say things aren't as bad as they seem but do you really see the picture of the situation? I'm gone, I abandoned my family against my will, I'm lonely, excluding you of course. Music and you are my only stress reliefs and honestly, I'm just not myself anymore, and that the situation I'm in now is not what I need. Not when I'm around my sister, and not when I'm around the people here. Yes, you can say, "Oh, but look at the bigger picture. You have new friends here and you still live with mama, and she still loves you like a parent is supposed to love their child." But that's just it. I never thought I could possibly feel more distant from my mother than I do now. Hell I'm even more distant from my father after this move and it's really taken its toll. I'm a lot more distant from all of my family after this, both my blood family and my friends who are family. It's awful, I never knew that could be possible until we got here. I hate it.