Insight

Who am I?

Me. Who am I? Who is this person I call, "me"? Well, I'm Agemo Naga, Neko Light, Marcel, Malik Blake. In all actuality up until this point I had no idea who I was, the very thought of this question would leave me shook. But now, I'm starting to get a general idea for who the man in the mirror really is. Who I really am.

Well for starters I'm just some average 16 year old kid with slightly below average looks and mildly misplaced but normal interests. I'm always found in internal arguments and fits with myself and yea on paper it may seem weird but if actually understood correctly, you'd be able to see the whole picture.

Me, I spread some pretty positive vibes and yes, I'm strictly heterosexual. Only girls, nothing else. I like seeing and or making people happy, it's good to see people's faces brighten up with a nice smile, and it's really fun to be able to be the one to put it there. I tend to find myself stuck sometimes however. I don't always know what path to go down in life yet but I have a general idea of the paths to not go down. The path that I want to walk is there, I know it is, I just have to find it.

I love writing and drawing, although I'm pretty sure some of my previous writings would lead people to think I'm either insane, suicidal, or maybe both. Although that's clearly not the case, I promise. I'm perfectly sane and I'm absolutely loving life for what it is. I just wish the people could brighten the hell up sometimes though.

I'm pretty sure I have some form of ADHD, I mean hell I'm not one of those people who self diagnosis themselves, but some of the symptoms, the more obvious ones anyway, kinda seem to reflect from me. I want to go get checked for it though but my mother won't take me, nothing against her for it though, it's not like I'm mad at her for it or anything. But I just really want the confirmation as to not I'm either really deductive or really full of shit.

I love both of my parents and both sides of my family. But I'm hella distant with both of them, but not because of the people themselves, well most of them anyway, but it's just because of how I am. I get hella uncomfortable, hella easy. I hate it, and well my family is the one thing that makes me the most uncomfortable in the fastest ways possible, like seriously how the hell do they do it? And why!? I have times in my life when I don't wanna be alone, and then I have times where I do wanna just be alone. It's weird and I hate it because I don't wanna be like that but over the years it's just what I grew into and now there's no escaping it. I'm lonely but I don't know what else, I love being alone but hate it just as much. I'm so weird. Like I said, internal conflicts. Hella weird. I don't even know what I want for myself, yet I can feel myself getting closer and closer to maturity's peak. I'm willing and ready to admit my strengths and weaknesses. I've also come to the conclusion that currently at this point in time, I'm hella not ready for a relationship, I just gave up on trying to find someone and started focusing on myself. It's kinda how I have to be. It's the corner life has forced me into, and honestly I think that for now it's for the best. Taking time to be alone instead of just rushing into another relationship the moment I leave one like I used to is kind of what I shouldn't do, it's what I need to avoid. So for now, I'll just have to find a way to cope with the loneliness and let life go on.

I have to say that to be honest I'm a hella anxious person and it's so bad especially if it makes me paranoid because then it makes things bad. I went to hang out with some friends and later on that night indulged in some substances that are completely harmless and legal. I was fine but when I went back upstairs my friend seemed mad and went outside. I thought she was mad at me so I started freaking out and then that's when shit went downhill. I was panicking way too much and so everyone waited downstairs with me until I left. When I got back I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't, I was still too scared, I was hella fucked up. Time was going by so slow, I had no idea what was going on, I honestly thought I was dying, my heart was beating so fast and I could feel it beating hella hard. I threw up because I was still kind of recovering from the food poisoning I had been subjected to a couple days prior. It was one of my more, "horrendous", trips. It was awful. My anxiety is too much and well, if people rile me up too much I get set all the way over, like before. It's bad.