Insight

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There are things that happen in life, some that have reason and others that don't. But whenever these things do happen they can either be good or bad. Sometimes things happen and most of the time I don't know which it's gonna be. Something new happened and well, it's very interesting. I found someone. I mean I actually found someone. It wasn't completely me however, I did have a little bit of help. But I found someone, and this is real. I'm genuinely happy about it. She's the first person I feel like this about since I've moved. I think...this is what love is like. It's been so long since I've had these strong feelings for someone, I don't know if I'd go as far as to call it love, yet. But it's definitely stronger than merely just "liking" her. I don't know how to describe these feelings but, she just makes me so happy, like unbelievably happy. Happier than I've ever been since I moved here. Talking to her gives me hope, she fills me with life, with happiness. She's really something else. I just don't know how to describe this at all but, I'm happy she's in my life now. I never thought I could feel this way towards someone again but, it's happening. I accept it. She's wonderful. She just, took all my stress away and when I'm talking to her I feel like there's nothing wrong. That there's just her and I and well, I'm happy about it.

. . .

We're a couple now, she and I. She makes me happy and I make her happy and for the first time in a relationship, I'm actually sure of this. I know it's true, for once. Is this what confidence is like? Is this what it's like to no longer be weak? To not have shackles holding me back. I've been freed from the captivity known as my own mind. I've been freed from the dark thoughts that plagued and consumed me. I've found myself again. It's because of her, how she makes me feel. She's perfect. I may have said to be in love and well only very few times it was true. With Shelby it was definite and, as much as I hate to say it, isabel was the first to capture my heart. Too bad that didn't last. But hey, the past is the past, I'm over it. I no longer hold any guilt, anger, or sadness towards her. I feel nothing at all and I simply wish her the best. I'm focusing on the present, I'm focusing on what's going on now and right now, my focus is Briana. She's the one who now holds my newly reformed heart. I've learned to become strong on my own and while I still have a long way to go with that, I think I've found peace within myself again. The piece I was missing inside for so long has been found and now, I'm whole again. I'm almost the me that I was before we moved to this place, and honestly because I know I'll never fully go back to being me, this is who I am now. This is close enough for me to be satisfied. I've resonated my soul with who I am and who I once was. I can live in peace once again, taking life one step at a time. That was my problem before, trying to move ahead too fast. That's why nothing else ever worked out. It wasn't my time yet, I was always jumping too early. But now I've relaxed, I'm falling freely as life guides me down the right path. Whatever life has instore for me, I'll just have to wait and see for myself. Instead of trying to create my own future, I need to focus on moving out of the past, to live in the present, and plan for the future that'll be created as time goes on. One step at a time. Slow and steady. With her, I'll retain my patience. I'll stay waiting and aware. I'll know what to do with situations when the time comes for them. For now however, I just stay waiting, and watch life as it happens.