Adrenaline

Shiro's Shock

Keith started visiting the red lion as much as possible. Where he had to the forced away the training deck before, he now had to be forced away from Red.

Shiro would sometimes 'accidentally' walk past the room and look inside since he was walking by. It was only logical to look to Keith and maybe even rude to not do since it was barely any work when he was there anyway. Especially since Keith would do everything he could in there and if one didn't see him in the kitchen or on his way to or from his bedroom, Keith wouldn't be seen anywhere that wasn't the hangar. No, Shiro decided, he couldn't even convince himself that was even remotely true but he would do his best to pretend. Especially since it made him feel less like he was stalking Keith and more like he was being as rational as he once hoped to eventually become and as rational as he once fooled the others to view him as.

Watching Keith was strange. Not that Shiro watched in a creepy way. That wasn't the kind of guy Shiro was, or, he corrected himself and abandoned pretending for a little bit, he didn't think he was but he didn't know exactly what kind of guy he was anymore. He had never seen himself as perfect and he had had insecurities even before being kidnapped on Kerberos, but he hadn't seen himself as a bad person back then. Maybe after, just a little bit and especially when he started remembering some of the things he did in his time as Champion. Keith's words had hurt when he said them, but Shiro understood what Keith had meant when he said he didn't know Shiro anymore.

Regardless of how bad or good he felt, it was nice seeing Keith alive in more than just name, and Keith must have liked to be in the red lion's bay. However, there was considerably lots of glaring at the giant lion until Shiro was afraid that Keith had been put on pause as if he was a character in a movie, but Keith did other things in there too.

Keith did all his physical exercises in the red lion's bay, Shiro had both seen Keith walk back and forth by himself or jumping or stretching with Coran's help. Keith had limited himself to only his bedroom, the red lion's bay and the kitchen but he was much more mobile than before. Of course, it helped that Keith actually ate now. Both because he didn't need mirrors to see where the food was but also because he must have gotten an appetite again and didn't always have to mentally force himself anymore because hunger and the primitive joy of eating did the job just fine now.

Shiro could see these changes but he still 'accidentally' walked past and looked in on Keith the few times Keith had convinced Coran that he could eat in front of his lion. Just to be sure and just to calm his own heart.

Keith's physical was obvious despite small. His whole body was still too thin but his cheeks weren't quite as hollow anymore.

Besides Keith's brightened eyes that probably had more to do with him actively dong things instead of reluctantly letting Hunk and Lance carry him around the castle, his mental health was a question of what one considered good or bad.

Keith wasn't visibly sad or too angry but he had become obsessed with the red lion to the point where Shiro had talked to Allura about cutting that tie. Shiro didn't want to trust another person and he disliked the thought of someone not Keith flying Keith's lion even less, but he would rather have Keith hate him, even hit him and call him hurtful names, than burn out and become a shell because of his new obsession.

If there had been a change in the red lion, then Shiro could have ignored it better but she was as stoic on the sixth day as she had been on the first.

When Shiro wasn't walking past Keith for 15 minutes a day, Coran and Allura were bombarding him. At least Allura stopped relatively quickly after Coran had told her that she would help the other all health and security of the castle with other tasks than talking to a still reductant Shiro. It really just meant that her methods of improving anyone's mental health could use a lot of time and energy they didn't have, but no one commented on it.

It went a little better after that. Sure, Shiro wasn't quite the ideal man to force weaknesses out of but Shiro was almost entirely sure that Coran knew that he wasn't trying to be difficult.

Though, him not wanting to trouble Coran with his stubbornness and unwillingness to open up didn't stop Shiro from asking a tough question when it hit him Coran's was so uncertain about how to best coax Shiro's troubles out of him.

"You don't trust me anymore, do you?" Shiro asked.

"Of course I trust you. You're a paladin just like the others," Coran answered in a light voice.

"I'm not stupid, Coran," Shiro said.

Coran sighed so deeply that it hit Shiro how old Coran really was without the seemly endless amounts of energy Coran possessed. Coran collected himself in less than a second and smiled brightly in Shiro's direction. Shiro wondered how many times Coran had hit his exhaustion and sadness behind that mask but he was too afraid to ask.

"Don't worry about that, it won't take me more than a flying Krellians during Flubork to see you as before," Coran assured him.

Shiro felt conflicted. He had thought that Coran was completely neutral besides his obvious willingness to side with the princess, but apparently not, but at the same time, he was trying to make himself trust Shiro again. Shiro knew a little about the power of the will, and although you couldn't control your emotions and feelings 100%, the will to feel something went a long way if you wanted it badly enough.

-------------------

The conversation with Coran stopped quickly after Coran had revealed his feeling. Not in a bad way, but the usual semi-therapist and semi-cluelessness felt wrong to both of them and they called it a day.

Shiro didn't want to be alone though and walked down to the hangar to visit the black lion. He wasn't trying to walk in on Keith for once and was actually hoping that Keith wouldn't be there but he needed to see his own lion. Even though he hated himself, or maybe because of it, it felt good to be liked and the black lion loved him. The lion didn't approve of attacking fellow paladins, it was a little disturbing how much the lion made that fact clear beyond anything else, but he, the black lion, understood why Shiro had acted as he had.

Shiro was almost completely sure that lion cubs' primary caretakers were the female lions. At least he was almost sure that it was like that in Earth's nature but he didn't really have any way to find out what Altean lions were like even if they must have had a shape similar to Earth lions. However, all that didn't change the fact that he felt like a beloved child when he saw his lion and it was nice. Comforting and warm despite coming from a machine with a literally cold exterior.

"The red lion is sad," the black lions told Shiro telepathically when he was close enough to Black to see him.

A lot of reasons why flew through Shiro's head but he still asked, "Why?"

"Her paladin is dead," Black said curtly.

A stone fell in Shiro's chest and a lightness fell over his arms and legs. He needed to get out. He needed to get to Keith. Had Keith tried to kill himself again? Had he... succeeded? No, not Keith. Anyone but him.

Shiro's footsteps could be heard in the whole hangar as boots met the metal floor but he barely even registered it. All he could think was that he wasn't fast enough. He needed to find Keith now. He wasn't fast enough and Keith was already dead.

Shiro stopped right in front of the elevator. Keith was already dead. He had been too late. Someone should have stopped him but there had been no one to save Keith this time. Shiro started walking again. Softer, quieter, and terrified about both the possibility to find and not find the red paladin. Shiro didn't look for long. Keith wasn't in the kitchen and he wasn't in the lounge, as little as he had been there for a week, so that left only one room where Shiro could imagine Keith going with this troubled walk.

Shiro opened the door to Keith's room and his breath was stuck in his throat right after he let out a loud gasp at the sight before him.