Castle Bleck Craziness

Books

One Void Day, Count Bleck was sitting there. Across from him, Mr. L was sitting, reading a book entitled, Cute Cats.

"Ugh, reading is so boring," he groaned.

"Isn't yer book interestin'?" asked O'Chunks, who was reading a Civil War book entitled, The Cooks of Gettysburg..

"Yes, but reading is still boring," replied Mr. L.

"Well, dat's crazy talk, kid!!" O'Chunks yelled, almost seeming like he cared about something. "You can't just hate readin'! Everyone has a book dey like. Even me."

"Wow, that's surprising," said Mr. L blandly.

"Not realleh," replied O'Chunks. "Books are meant to sweep ya off yer feet and fly away over da clouds!! Even da boringest person can like readin'."

Mr. L gave him a 'stop talking to me' look.

O'Chunks raised his hands. "Sorry. Didn't mean to preach to ya, there."

Dimentio busted in. "GUYS!! Look what I have!"

Mr. L looked up slowly and boringly. Then he looked down again in the same manner, the same bored glaze in his blue eyes, without saying a word.

"Whut is it??" asked O'Chunks, poking the thing in Dimentio's hands.

"It's...a book," said Dimentio.

"Wow. Me would never have guessed," he said.

"You get more primitive day by day," Dimentio sighed.

Mr. L finally used his vocal chords. "What's it called?" he asked.

"Demented Cases of Dementia in Demented People," replied Dimentio.

"Sounds like a good read," said Mimi, walking in. She too, had a book stowed in her armpit.

"You stow your books in yer armpit?" questioned O'Chunks. "Cuz I put mine in my underarm."

"I use my hands, like a normal, not-demented person," added Dimentio.

"That's because you don't have arms," Mr. L put in. "And I carry mine at my side, like you should."

"IT WAS NOT IN MY ARMPIT, OKAY??!" Mimi shouted.

"...I saw what I saw," said O'Chunks.

"Well, anyway, what book you got there??" asked Mr. L.

"My diary," replied Mimi. "I also refer to it as, The Log of a Person Who Lives With Professional Dumbbells."

"Hm, quite interesting. I wonder who the dumbbells might be?" wondered Dimentio, hoping he was being smart.

"I think it's pretty obvious," Mr. L droned.

Dimentio have him a 'you spoil everything' look.

Just then, Nastasia walked in carrying a book (at her side). She sat down next to Mimi, who was next to Mr. L. O'Chunks was like always on the floor because he was too big.

"What you got there, Nastasia??" asked Mimi. (Those grammatical errors were on Mimi's part.)

"A book. I'm sure you would find it very boring, because it's for older people," replied Nastasia.

"I doubt it. What's it called?"

"The History of Linoleum Flooring," Nastasia replied.

"Wow, you're right, it IS boring," said Mimi. "Why would you read that?!"

"Because I've been thinking about getting some," said Nastasia.

"Oh," replied Mimi.

"Hang on a minute, I just realized that the Count has been here the whole time, and we haven't noticed," interrupted Mr. L.

Sure enough, there Count Bleck was, sitting right next to Dimentio on the love seat, not saying a word. He was staring off into space (or the Void. Whichever you prefer.).

"Count, don't you have a book to read?" asked Mimi graciously.

Count Bleck's head moved slightly, or maybe just his top hat. "Of course Count Bleck does," he said.

He reached into his cape and pulled out a big, hardback, black book, with glowing red-and-purple lines on the front in the shape of a diamond. In the center was a glowing blue gem.

"Ooooh. What is it, again??" asked Mimi.

"The Dark Prognosticus, you fool!!!" shouted Count Bleck, whipping his cape around, as he sometimes did.

"How come it's not underlined??" asked Mr. L.

"What, Count Bleck demanded??"

"You know, underlined??"

"Because it's an official part of the game, you noob!!!" yelled Count Bleck.

"Psst. You guys. Fourth wall," whispered Mimi.

"Oh, yeah. Forgot about that," Mr. L said sheepishly.

"You people sure are getting careless!" Dimentio said with annoyance. "So careless, I could rip your mustache off and switch its places with your bandana!!"

"Errrr....." commented Nastasia.

"Well, that would just give me a black bowtie and a cool bandana around my mouth like a ninja or a cowboy," replied Mr. L. "I have interchangeable pieces, like an action figure, I guess."

"Well, that's weird. But then again, in this Void, it's normal," said Mimi.

Count Bleck said to Dimentio, "How can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you do not notice the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

"Uhhh, I can't even begin to describe the things wrong with that," began Mr. L.

"We're not brothers!! There is not a log in my eye! And I'm pretty sure only one person calls people hypocrites, hypocrite," said Dimentio.

"Dimentio, you hypocrite!!" yelled Nastasia.

"Is that person the Count?" asked Mimi.

"NO!!" yelled Dimentio.

There was a looooong, weeiiirrddd, silence.

"Hmm. I'm going to go to a resort at a magic school and eat some ice cream," said Mr. L.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!!" shouted everyone.