You Were Mine From The Start (boyxboy)

Since It Happened

Charlie's POV

It's been weeks since it happened. It's been weeks since Hunter broke me... and it's been absolutely miserable. 

I didn't go back to lunch after the argument. I went to the nearest bathroom and cried my eyes out. Not much detail needed there. I stayed there for fear of running into Hunter again. I didn't want to go back to lunch. I couldn't bear to see Mike, Alex, and especially Taylor. She would've been able to tell that something was wrong in a heartbeat. 

The minute lunch ended I went directly to my locker. Got my books, and went straight to class. I was the only one there but I didn't care that I was really early. I didn't want to be around anyone anyway. 

I dodged Alex and Taylor's questions all class, claiming to have a "headache" and "might be getting sick." I knew Taylor was getting suspicious, but I ignored her. Next class was just the same with Mike. He subtly tried to ask Alex the questions I deflected and poor Alex was just as clueless as he was. 

Being in class with Hunter was beyond difficult. I forced myself to avoid him at all costs, not that it was that hard. He didn't want to be around me either. I didn't look at him, I didn't speak to him. Alex and Taylor caught on, but after they saw I was upset by the conversation as a whole they dropped it. It absolutely killed me. 

I felt different, about everything. Nothing felt the same. All confidence I thought I had was gone. My anxiety skyrocketed. I suddenly found myself questioning everything and everyone. I felt especially distanced from Mike. I doubted his feelings for me. So I isolated myself. 

At first, every day was the same. I'd claim to be "tired" or "sick" or some other excuse to feed my friends, and then I'd just make a joke out of it. I wanted desperately to tell someone everything. To rant for hours about all the thoughts trapped inside my head. But of course, I couldn't. Talking about it wouldn't fix it, it would just reopen wounds. Sometimes it's better to let wounds scar than to let them become infected.

I found myself unable to do much. I stopped eating as much, which was especially bad because  I'm already scrawny as it is. I stopped interacting with others. I wanted to be left alone almost always. My parents were none the wiser to anything that was going on. At most, my mom noticed my smaller appetite and that was it. I pretty good at hiding things huh? Or they weren't around enough to notice. Better yet, maybe my dad noticed and still doesn't do anything to help his broken gay son. Fun.

Sleeping was impossible, every time I closed my eyes I saw Hunter. I saw him screaming at me to leave him alone. I saw my best friend finally tell me how much he hated me. I was barely able to stay asleep at night, so most nights I stayed up and well... cried. The only other sleep I got was if I drifted off in class for a few minutes.

It's not like I wanted to sleep anyway. The nightmares starting coming back. Not as bad though at first, thank god. Most of the time I wouldn't remember them that well, I'd just wake up feeling scared and cold. They have been getting progressively worse. It started with remembering them better, a little piece here and there. Then, in the most recent one I had, it felt real. I could feel everything that I was dreaming. That's how I know it's going to get really, really bad soon.

I feel bad for isolating myself, but I can't help it. I can't let myself get hurt like that again. I doubt anyone would even want to hang out with me, especially while I'm in this shitty state. Taylor and Alex both tried to get me to come to their houses but each time I lied my way out of it. Lying to them hurt, but it's getting easier. It's for the best after all, more alone time for them. They get along just fine without me. They don't need me there. 

Mike has been trying to go on a second official date with me for a while now too. In the beginning, he noticed me being down so he tried to talk to me to cheer me up, and he even took me to the movies. That counted as our first date apparently. You can barely call it that. I was so torn up about Hunter, it was all I thought about. I acting as I normally would with Mike, but it was eating me up on the inside.