You Were Mine From The Start (boyxboy)

Hanging By A Thread

Hunter's POV

The shitty start to an even shittier morning. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Walking to the principal's office just as first period starts is not exactly how I wanted to start my day. This is bullshit! If Emmett could just keep his mouth shut, I wouldn't even be here. 

My morning was the same as it's been for the past few weeks, absolutely miserable. Every morning has gotten progressively worse, but at this point, I'm starting to become numb to it all. I feel like I'm acting out of habit more than anything else. I have no motivation to do anything, it's like every day is just filling some meaningless quota. 

I know I sound overdramatic, what else can I say? Ever since Charlie left my life, everything has felt wrong. I didn't even realize how much of an impact he had. He controlled everything, I was excited for school in the mornings because I knew I'd see him, I was eager to get home and do homework as fast as possible so I'd be able to talk to him, and maybe even purposefully ask for help. Weekends became even more of a blessing when we'd get to hang out. I never realized just how much of my life was spent with him. It's not that I can't find happiness in my life if Charlie isn't there, it's just almost every aspect of my life reminds me of how he isn't there and that's what kills me. Call it a creepy obsession, a huge crush, or even true love. It doesn't matter... not anymore at least.

I've even lost Taylor and Alex. I miss Taylor... a lot. We've always fought like siblings, and I've always called her my bossy older sister. Alex on the other hand, I'm surprised at how much I miss the guy. I feel like we've been friends for much longer than the few weeks that I've known him. They're still my friends, I guess it would've been easier to bear if I could actually talk to someone about this. I can't even be around them if I wanted to, seeing them just makes me think of Charlie. Mostly because they're always around him.

They've both tried to get me to tell them what happened. Alex of course, was much timider when doing so and I almost felt bad for him. I knew it was hard for him to ask, but I could tell he wanted to help. Taylor, on the other hand, confronted me full on. She was her usual "I need answers now, or else" self, but she seemed deeply worried. I obviously didn't answer either of the two and by the looks of it, Charlie didn't either. It didn't come as a shock when Alex dropped the topic instantly and mostly left me alone (except for the occasional half-smiles and waves I get when I see him). What surprised me was Taylor, she didn't put up much of a fight. She kind of just walked away, without another word. 

God, I miss them. It kills me to see them talking, laughing, and just being happy. It's not that I don't want them to be happy. It's just hard for me to see that and know that I can't be a part of it. It's hard to see how well they're getting along without me. It's for the best anyway, I'd just cause problems since they're Mike is always with them now. 

That. That might be the worst to bear every day. Seeing Mike hold Charlie's hand, put his arm around his shoulder, make him laugh. Everything I've ever done/wanted to do, done by someone else. All I could do was watch. 

The worst part is I still can't help but have hope. Some days I'd swear that Charlie was fake-smiling and not really smiling. I know that I'd recognize him doing stuff like that, and I'd swear that I saw it. I'm desperately hoping that it's true, so that maybe, just maybe, Charlie cares about me more than I think. But, it's always my mind playing tricks on me. Why would he even miss me? I ruined everything.

My grades have somehow managed to hang on, only because doing homework and taking notes in class is a way to distract myself from thinking about him. Football did little to help me though.

I thought that the practices would help me keep my mind off things and let some anger out. It was wrong, all it did was make me angrier. My teammates started giving me shit since they stopped seeing me around Charlie. They said stuff like, "Aww did you two break up?" "Is it because he dropped you for his new boyfriend?" and other shit like that.