Shattered

Twenty

-Emmaline's Point of View-

. . .

I sat in the library shrouded in silence as I jotted down notes I found in my history book for tonight homework assignment.

I looked up at Jasper, he was lost in thought once again.

I sighed and went back to my work, it seems like for a week Jasper has been giving me the cold shoulder, I don't know what I did but I wish I could go back and fix it.

In the past few weeks before he turned all icy towards me, Jasper was actually opening up. I found that I could call him, he would text me, and on occasion I would even go round their place to watch movies or just hangout. For a slight moment I even thought he might actually like me as more than a friend.

But all of that is gone now.

The last time he text me was the night of the game, he also came to the game like he said he would, but when I went to look for him after the game I couldn't find him. And I needed him more than ever that night too, that fool Leander threw himself at me, he even had the gall to kiss me before I bit his lip and managed to push him off of me.

I thought back to when we dated, I had agreed because I have known him my whole life. But I quickly found out that he wasn't the same little boy I grew up with.

Being the star football player had changed Leander, and he was accustomed to girls doing certain things to him upon request. Two weeks of us going out Leander got very handsy and demanding and when I refused to do what he wanted he belittled me and made me feel like the tiniest speck of dirt to the point where I was begging him to let me do these things for him because he had convinced me that no one would ever want me after him.

We took our relationship all the way that night and we continued to go out. Our relationship continued in this fashion until Marta basically locked me inside and refused to let Leander visit me.

It took me almost a whole year to regain my confidence and see what he had done was wrong, and junior year when I returned to school (after a year of homeschooling with Marta) I was able to both face him and forgive him. He apologized and asked if we could be friends, I allowed it, he was once my childhood bestfriend after all. I also decided that no matter what I would save myself until I was fully ready. No I am not a virgin, but that act would only be reserved for someone who can love me and treat me with dignity and respect.

After last weeks events I no longer associate with Leander, and unfortunately I feel all alone now as no one seems to want to talk to me.

"Are you alright?"

I looked up slightly shocked at the fact that Jasper was talking to me.

"I'm fine." I insisted.

"So you normally cry while doing homework?"

I reached up and felt the moisture on my cheeks, I quickly wiped my face "why do you care?" I bit back.

His face was hard, "just trying to be nice."

"Oh whatever, you haven't been nice all week. It takes me having to cry, just to get your attention."

"You're acting as if I've just completely ignored you, I talk to you." He tried to defend.

I laughed a humorless laugh, "responding when someone talks to you isn't 'talking' it's answering. You use to open up to me, we use to talk on the phone and text now it's, I don't know you've just pushed me to the side." I filled him in, "I don't know what I did to you but I'm sorry."

I grabbed my things quickly and ran out of the library, today was Thursday so I didn't have to worry about any football games. I text Scarlett I wasn't feeling well and went straight home.