Heidi arrived home, and she was more tired than usual. She heated up leftovers and was nearly silent during dinner, much to Evan's despair. He wanted so badly to talk to her, and he couldn't decide whether it was to find a reason to stay, or if it was to have one final moment with her before he made his decision.
"How was your day?" he mumbled quietly, poking at his food with his fork.
"Long," Heidi sighed, rubbing her temples, "All I want is peace and quiet."
"Is everything alr-"
"Please, Evan! I need peace and quiet."
They sat in silence, the only audible sound was quiet chewing and the occasional cough from Evan to convince her that he was still sick, "Can I stay home again tomorrow? I'm still not feeling great."
"No, you can only miss but so many days. Your attendance matters, even if you are a senior."
"But-"
"You're going, Evan. End of discussion," she rose from the table and stretched with a yawn, "I have an extra early shift tomorrow. I'm going to bed."
That was it. No, goodnight. No, I love you. She just left him by himself, staring into a styrofoam to-go box. This was the proof he needed that she wouldn't care if he was gone. She couldn't even take the time to say goodnight to him. He didn't get a goodbye. She would be gone before he even woke up.
Jared
Are you coming tomorrow
Evan
No.
But don't say anything because your mom will ask my mom why, and I'm supposed to go back tomorrow.
Jared
Evan hansen is skipping school without his mothers permission
Connor really is rubbing off on you
Do you want me to get copies of the work you miss
Evan
There's no need.
Bye, Jared.
Jared
Wtf you go to bed so early
Bye acorn
Evan looked around his small room. It was pretty messy. He didn't want his mom to have to clean all of it up, so he tidied up, extensively organizing each drawer, making sure everything was perfect. He was lost in thought, mostly about Connor, trying to suppress the feelings he felt for him. It was kind of crazy, less than an hour earlier he was trying to find a reason to stay, and now he was pushing away anything that made him rethink his decision.
He tried to sleep but he couldn't. He looked at the pill bottle next to his bed and twirled or between his fingers a couple times, opening and closing it, sniffing the chalky scent they released. He eventually heard his mom's alarm go off, along with the faint shuffling of her trying to get ready in a quiet manner. He wondered if she regretted anything about last night, or rather if she would later regret it.
He thought about how her last words to her son wouldn't be I love you or even anything meaningful. Instead, they'd be cold and bitter for something that wasn't his fault. He didn't even know why she was so stressed, but she'd taken it out on him, and he felt like nothing more than a burden.
His thoughts switched from Connor to his mother, and how much better her life would be in a few short hours. She would be more financially stable, so maybe she wouldn't have to work as much. She'd have time to herself and maybe start dating again, she'd learn to move on from his father. Maybe she'd have more kids who weren't ridden with anxiety and could be normal. Kids who wouldn't be burdens. Kids who she could compare to him and rejoice that that part of her life was over.
Soon, she could rejoice that she no longer had to deal with her broken, anxious, burden of a child.
