As the weeks passed, Connor and Jared had never felt anger to the extent they felt at this moment. Evan had been in a hospital bed fighting for the life he didn't want, and everybody at school was either ignoring the situation or making jokes.
Connor didn't fully understand why he was upset. He barely knew Evan and Connor Murphy was not supposed to have feelings. He even told Evan that he didn't need him, which he thought was true, but if that was the case, why wasn't he able to function properly without him? Connor didn't eat, sleep, or go to school. He was high all the time, not that anyone cared, for he didn't have the energy to leave his bedroom unless he was visiting Evan.
"Jesus fuck, Connor," Jared complained as he entered the room, "You really don't care who knows you're getting high, do you?"
"What are you doing here, Kleinman?" Connor growled, throwing his head back, which Jared didn't know whether it was to express frustration or an attempt to hide the puffiness in his eyes, "How did you even find my address?"
"I'm friends with Zoe, idiot. Also, Evan's awake and Heidi said he's asking for us."
Jared's calm demeanor baffled Connor. Jared was supposed to be Evan's best friend and yet he seemed indifferent that he'd woken up from his month-long coma. Connor's eyes flickered to the blunt in his hand and back up to Jared, "I promised him I'd stop. If I go in there high and smelling like weed, not only will Evan hate me, but his mom is never gonna let me see him again."
"That's not my problem." Jared shrugged, looking around the room. "I'm not the one lighting up while my best friend is in a coma."
"Evan's supposed to be your best friend, not mine, and you don't even care that he's awake. I don't think you have much room to talk, asshole."
"I do care, and I'd be at the hospital right now if you knew how to control yourself and not do drugs every time you're faced with an inconvenience."
"Inconvenience? Evan is the only person I've ever cared about and the only person who's ever cared about me. The fact that I thought he was going to die is more than a fucking inconvenience, not that you'd know because all you care about is car insurance."
"I don't care about Evan? I was the one that was there for him every time he had a panic attack, every time he thought about doing this in the past, every time he cried because of something you did, I took him to the fucking hospital when he threw himself off of a goddamn tree and didn't ask questions because I knew he couldn't handle it. I've been trying to help and protect him since before he knew he needed it, and you were one of the biggest reasons. Are you coming to the fucking hospital or not?"
Connor silently thought to himself, hoping for the best as he watched Jared make his way into the room and sit on the bed as he waited for him to get ready. He noticed how Jared anxiously bit his lip as he got lost in thought and realized just how wrong he was when he said Jared didn't care. He felt an emotion he was unfamiliar with - regret - and began to try to apologize, "I'm... sorry." he muttered.
Jared stayed silent for a few seconds before speaking up, "Don't ever say I don't care about him. Almost every second of every day is spent thinking about how what I've done in the past affected Evan and what I can do to change that. Evan is the most important person in my life."
Connor didn't reply, though he felt a large pang of protectiveness inside him. While Jared was likely a better friend, Connor knew he needed Evan more than Jared ever did or ever would.
"Just drench yourself in your most expensive cologne and let's go." Jared sighed and walked to the door. He left the room to allow Connor to change his clothes and attempt to mask the scent of weed before they got into his car and made their way to the hospital.
"Jesus Christ " Jared wheezed. "You are a walking asthma attack."
"At least we're at a hospital." Connor shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt anxiously. "Immediate medical attention is everywhere."
Connor didn't believe that Jared Kleinman possessed any sort of emotion – unless sarcasm was an emotion. However, as the two boys stood at the front desk, Jared was picking at his nails and bouncing slightly as he chewed the inside of his cheek. Heidi was already in the waiting room arguing with a nurse when she spotted them.
"I have to work a goddamned shift," she grunted, fuming, "My son has been in a coma for a month and now that he's finally awake, I have to– nevermind. Let me take you to his room. He's a little out of it though."
Although neither of them voiced it, Jared and Connor both felt their hearts sink when they saw Evan on the bed. The simple sight of Evan and his condition was enough to bring Connor down from his high. When he turned to thank Heidi, she was already gone.
"Connor?" Evan choked out, his voice hoarse from lack of use. The pain in his voice shot shivers down Connor's spine. He didn't know what to say, so instead, he just hugged Evan, who took a few seconds to register the hug before awkwardly hugging back.
"Never do that again." Connor squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to let tears spill from them. "Fuck, Evan, why?"
"Connor, maybe that's not the best way to start-" Jared began before he cut himself off, "But I think it's something we all need to know. The note didn't make sense."
Evan stayed silent for a few moments, before taking a deep breath and looking up, "Y'know what's f-funny? People s-say they regret it the second they jump off of a b-bridge or something. Like, they're relieved when they wake up after an overdose?" Jared and Connor held their breaths as they waited for him to continue, "B-but I'm not. I can't say I'm s-sorry, because I'm really only sorry that it didn't work."
By this point, Jared was crying right along with Evan, Connor having a blank expression on his face, staring at the linoleum floor. Maybe it was stupid to think that the movies were right and people automatically had a zest for life when they woke up. Evan was only physically better; he was still in the same mindset as when he swallowed the pills and wrote that note. He didn't speak until Jared left to go to the cafeteria downstairs.
"What did the note mean?" He questioned without looking up, eyes fixated on the floor and elbows resting on his knees, "'Like everything would be okay if only there was Connor?' What does that mean?"
"Oh, um-"
"Does it mean I could have stopped this from happening?"
"What? No, it just means-"
"Why me? Nobody ever relies on me, because I'm not trustworthy enough, so why me?"
"You were the only one who made me f-feel normal."
