She's just a fan | Finished✔

Outside The Dreamland

The clouds.
Totally unexplainable creatures.

They move around the sky like whipped cream, spend their "lives" watching over people on the ground, inspire them, sometimes even cry in pain, thinking about how beautiful the sky where they live is and how tough the ground must be for people.

They pity people. 

People look at the bright sky and they strive to rise above the ground. They constantly chase something but they aren't sure what. Maybe it's some kind of meaning in their pain, in everything they do, in everything they've been through - or maybe they just admire the clouds. They feel like the sky is calling for them. And they want to be the clouds.
That was all Claire could think about while looking through the window of the airplane that was taking her home. While the wings of the plane were slicing the thick, creamy mixture of clouds, she could only think about her brother. Eric. And she tried to find a meaning in what he did. Why did he want to join the clouds?
But more than anything she felt at that moment, alongside with the confusion, sadness and fear, was guilt. She felt it in her heart; always quietly gripping on it no matter what she did; but when she would let her thoughts in, it felt like the guilt was ripping her soul open. So she did the only thing that helped her in that moment - distracting herself. Thinking about the clouds.
When the foam finally split up, she got a hold on what was beneath her. It was a sight very common in her dreams; her home that she missed very much, but never wanted to visit in those conditions. Yes, it was California, but she was going to a hospital, all alone, to her injured brother. No sight in this world could make her feel better. Not even her homeland, the place she only sees in her dreams...

***

She felt the warm air as soon as she stepped her foot on the familiar land, her homeland... California. It was much hotter here. People were walking around in crop tops, shorts and flip flops, girls styled their hair up and everybody was spending the hot summer days on the beach. Every day, all day. It was exactly how Claire remembered... She was once a part of this crowd, the sea of heatened bodies carrying ice cream cones and the incandescent pavement. And it wasn't a long time ago. It felt as if she could just continue her life as it was before, walk out of the airport and join the crowd without anyone noticing. 

She walked out of the airport, dragging her suitcase. She got to the road in few minutes and stopped, waiting to catch sight of a taxi. It didn't take a long time since it was California, a city with more taxis than pigeons. She raised her hand so that the driver would stop and pick her up. Soon her suitcase was in the back of the car and she was heading to the hospital.
- Where? - asked the driver, a tall masculine man.
- Los Angeles Emergency Hospital, please. - she responded. The driver just nodded his head and started to drive.
A slight bumping of the car made Claire sleepy. She made herself stay awake, eager to visit her brother. She didn't sleep the whole night, anxiously packing for the flight. Even if she didn't have to pack, she doubted she would fall asleep, anyway.
A face popped into her head. Jimin. After she got the phone call, she could barely speak. She explained what happened, while Jimin's eyes became more and more worried. He offered to come with her, but Claire refused. She didn't even know why... It would have been easier to have someone by her side. Maybe she felt like she needed to punish herself, for leaving her brother behind and enjoying her new life, without looking back. I don't deserve to be happy... I don't deserve Jimin, she thought.
She remembered Mingi's confused face when she left her message for Jimin. But it was easier not having to confront him. Mingi will understand... So will Jimin.

***

- How can I help you? - a robotic voice of a woman came from behind the computer screen.
The hospital was blindingly white and crowded. After Claire paid the driver to wait with her suitcase in the parking lot, she stepped inside the hospital, feeling like she was going to get lost. She couldn't pay attention to anything. Her anxiety was getting bigger and bigger, while the sleep deprivation made her lightheaded and tired.
- I, um... I am trying to find my brother Eric. He was addmited with hemorrhage yesterday evening... - Claire started.
- Oh, yes, I was there when he came. Give me a second... - the woman said, a bit less robotic. - He's in the Intensive Care Unit. You should sit in the waiting room, I don't think they will let you visit him right away.
The woman kept explaining where the ICU is, but Claire could barely listen to her. She just nodded blankly and stepped away from the counter.
- Wait, Miss! - the woman shouted after Claire. - I just remembered that your second brother also checked in,  at my colleague's counter.
Claire froze, confused. - M-my second brother?
- Yeah, the blonde one, wearing sunglasses. - the woman said. - Are you okay, Miss?
Claire didn't listen to her anymore. She walked in the direction that the woman pointed to her a few minutes ago. She rushed down the hallways, but everything looked the same - the walls, the people, the windows... The colours around her soon became one big, white splash. She couldn't her anything. She couldn't breathe...
Someone grabbed her shoulder and made her turn around.
- Clary, are you okay? Can you hear me? - a familiar voice talked to her. It sounded concerned.
Claire nodded while the world around her became more clear. Her eyes focused on the person talking to her. Blonde hair, sunglasses... Jimin.