don't leave

Titus

(Titus POV)

her lips were strangely overly soft and tasted sweet like strawberries. I had a feeling it was a lip balm she was wearing but I never wanted to pull away. I felt like as long as my lips were touching hers I could keep her here, with me and hopefully happy. I knew this girl was hurting and little did she know that I saw the cute that buried deep within her pale wrists some were faint and faded to whiteish pink lines. others were irritated red which meant they were fairly new. I tried to not glance as often because I didn't want to make her feel I uncomfortable with me and my presence. I noticed her roll her sleeves down and scrunch the fabric in her hands so that the sleeves would move revealing her scars.I could tell he look on her face was embarrassment.
"i'm sorry for dragging you across town on a school night.. you should be with your family right now." her voice went higher and quieter as she spoke. I put my index finger to the center of her lips to shush her. " Don't worry, my family doesn't care where I am or what i'm doing and I'd rather spend time being here with you." I watched pigment form in blotches on her cheeks. I really wanted to save this girl. I knew I could barely save myself from all the things life throws at me but what if just maybe I could be the one person in her life to change her thinking around. to help heal her pain, numb it.

"I feel numb most of the time
Lower I get the higher
I'll climb, and I will wonder why
I got dark only to shine
Looking for the golden life
Oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice."
-numb marina and the diamonds.

" i'm sure your family cares about you more than you think they do." I shook my head in disagreement. Deep down I knew I was right, ever since mom died my step mom thinks she runs the show and dad just follows her awful story line because if he doesn't she won't be pleased. it disgusts me because she's not even my mother, she's some woman that just walked into my life expecting to take over which is very wrong. I've never gotten along with her since day one.. it's always been an up hill battle.
i grabbed Alena and pulled her closer to my chest and buried my nose in her blonde hair. she smelt so sweet and pure i never wanted to leave this park bench, i never wanted to leave her. " Are you okay?" I touched her waist with my arms and held her closer to my body. I felt her shiver as a gust of wind blew past. it picked her hair up moving it in the air like angry arms. Yet i kept my head on hers. "I'm fine." I could tell this girl is broken beyond words, she's to strong to admit it though. I did not know how Alena felt about me, but her lack of protest from our kiss and us holding each other made me think that this beautiful breath taking girl may actually like me back. I turned Alena so her ocean blue eyes were facing mine. I looked deep within them and I swore I could see the turbulent waves crashing around her pupils.
I reached out and put my hand in a comforting way on her thigh.
"You know Alena, I know your not fine. I'm not foolish like the other out of touch people within your life. I understand some of the battles you are facing. I want you to know. I care about you more than a friend should I even think i like you....Maybe even love you." Alena never broke eye contact with me and for a moment we just sat there looking into each others eyes in silence. This silence is what scared me and chilled me to the bone because I was unaware of if this was her way of silently rejecting me.

"How could you love a girl that cannot learn to love herself? i'm incapable of love you know. Borderline personality disorder makes me hate you or love you. And i can not control when that distinct split happens. I'm not trusted and i'm very childish, I'm so scared That i'm gonna he left alone and abandoned by the ones I care about so I push them far enough away before they push me and leave me. Better to leave than to be leaved." I stayed focused on her as she started to break eye contact searching the clump
of trees to the right of me. The golden brown leaves has begun falling off and I couldn't tell if she was searching for answers or what else she was going to say as every single leaf fell slowly and softly to the sheltering forest floor. As i watched the leaves I thought of myself and how the leafs in a way were a reminder of me. I fall, but I do not fall hard. Once I fit the ground it safe sheltered and un-touched by the treats from above. It's like once I'm already down you can't kick me down any farther.
"How can you love a girl that cuts herself because she cannot physically or mentally feel enough pain to satisfy her needs, How can you love a girl that wants to die? I'm telling you, one of these days. you'll wake up from a well rested sleep.no nightmares at all, no uncomfortable positions. You'll walk down stairs to make yourself breakfast the sun shining on your face and the birds chirping and dancing around in the bright blue sky. Guess where i'll be,gone far away from this treacherous place. they'll find my body laying limp and pale at the bottom of the bathtub overflowing with my own blood. or better yet the bottom of a lake. I do not know how i'll go but I do know I'm not staying. It's better to not love a girl that wants to die." I wanted to cry when I understood what she had meant and I didn't want that to happen. Alena is special, she deserves to be happy and i'm going to work my ass off to make sure she is.
"You aren't the girl that wants to die you "were" the girl that's wants to die. My goal in this shitty life is to make sure that your safe,happy and healthy every single night that your head touches your pillow. Because you mean so goddamn much to me and I couldn't bare the thought that I wake up one morning to find you gone.. You are capable of love and that's a bunch of bullshit, I will not leave you Alena. As long As i'm waking and breathing I will be loyal to you. The only day we will be separated is the day we die or the day you walk away." She set her tiny hand on top of mine holding it tight in her grip. She brought her lips to my face and kissed my cheek and whispered "Don't leave." I wrapped my arms right around her shivering body. "I won't I promise."

"I love you Titus.."

"I love you too Alena."

"don't leave, shut your mind off and let your heart breathe. You don't need to be worried. I may not ever get my shit together. But ain't no body gonna love you better.
Don't go, what we have here is irreplaceable and I won't trade it for nothing." -Don't leave Snakeships , Mø