don't leave

Alena

(Alena's POV)

I let my hard door hit my cold empty body as it shut. I knew i had to leave this place. I couldn't ruin Titus life by being in it, it would just be best if i look myself for him. As soon as i lay my sleepy head to sleep i'll awake in my final wooden bed. I let my body drag me up the stairs to my bathroom where i knew exactly what i was going to do. I filled the tub up almost to the top. I didn't bother laying out towels knowing those were not needed. On the counter set out before i left to meet Titus was a bottle of sleeping pills with my box of blades. I didn't take off my cloths i let the warm bath soak me up. "rubba dub dub dead girl in a tub." i rolled my head back and let the pills do most the work. the blades felt like cool thistles against my pale wrist. soon enough I knew my wish would come true. I knew that I would be at peace unable to harm anyone i loved ever again. I wouldn't be a pest or the class whore because i'd be known as the dead girl. Sure admire me for my bravery and deny that you knew something was wrong with me but the truth to all of it is that I am gone and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me or bring me back because they messed up. I will make all the horrible people in my life sorry for what they have done to me, I will make my parents regret not noticing me and I will leave titus happy and away from my toxic life.

At this point I was unable to move my body felt frozen like the bath had just turned to ice running cold with the blood that ran once in my icy veins. Each breath was shortened and a struggle and I knew it wouldn't take much longer before I would be finally at rest. I started sining in my head hoping it would pass the time. "I know that you've been thinking about it, don't leave shut your mind off and let your heart breath. You don't need to be worried, I may never get my shit together but ain't no body gonna love you better." That song reminded me of my relationships and titus because I feel so trapped and I want them to leave me alone but at the same time I want them to pull me close and keep me safe in their arms. This disorder has caused me to lose all my friends but also pulled the real ones closer. Because most of my "friends" don't get that it isn't me over exaggerating or being an evil bitch. Because I really can not control what I say or do when I feel abandoned. I know that it all wouldn't matter in a second because those fake friends will run away with the remaining blood that was in my body. I heard a banning on the bathroom door. The first thought that came to my mind was death. I knew that it was death knocking on my door and I was ready to welcome him. I stepped up out of the bath that was over flowing with red and took one step to the door and I collapsed with the knocking ringing in my ears.

"She ducked her next class ran home into her bathroom, thought to herself she wouldn't break a promise that soon. One cut, Two cuts, Three cuts, Four. The blood just started dripping from the tub to the floor. Her boyfriend had a feeling in his stomach that he hated. He followed it ran down to her house he never waited. The front door was open he heard the water running, he stormed into the bathroom and his heart just started gunning." -baby don't cut