Understanding Me

Leo Fitz

I couldn't focus on anything. I mean how could I when I found out my parents died a few hours ago. I just stared at the window, watching the trees, the sky, the sheep, but taking nothing in. Every time I tired to think about America, about all the things waiting for me, images of my parents flashed across my mind. Reminding me of the harsh reality, I was alone, and the future I was trying to picture slowly became blurred, as if there wasn't one at all. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to get the images out of my head, but still trying to hold onto the memory of them, my concentration resulting in a harsh headache.

I had been sitting in the taxi for 2 hours, impatiently waiting to arrive at the airport. All my thoughts were mixed, I wanted to stay, be with my friends and stay in England but I also wanted to leave, forget what happened and block out the memory... try to move on. I tried to reason with myself that this was a good idea, I needed to be with family, and as soon as I turn 18 I could come back. But why would I go back? My friends, they're all going to separate universities anyway. There was nothing to bring me back. But there was also nothing to keep me in America.

Soon we arrived at the airport. Now there was no backing out, I'm moving to America. I took my bags out of the boot and walked inside. Dropping off my luggage, I made my way to the gate. My knees were shaking, partly because I was nervous about moving, partly because I had never been on a plane before.

Sometime later they called my gate. I made my way onto the plane and took my seat. I had the window seat, so I decided to calm myself by doing what I always do, look out the window. The sky was grey, reflecting my mood almost perfectly. I heard the seat next to move a turned around to see who it was. It turned out to be a young man with dirty blonde, curly hair. He wore a blue shirt with jeans and a cardigan. He looked to be shifting in his seat quite a bit. He must hate planes like me! I felt like it was my job to relax him because I know if that was me, I would want someone to do the same.

"Hi, I'm Maddy. What's your name?" I said with fake ease and a kind voice, also holding out my hand to him. He hesitantly took my hand and shook it.

"Fitz, Leo Fitz" He said with a Scottish accent and a friendly although slightly odd smile.

"Scotland?" I asked Fitz with a slight giggle.

"Yes, England?" He replied with a question. I smiled, temporarily numb to my feelings.

"Yeah, why are you heading to America then?" I asked, genuinely interested in the answer.

"Uhhh... Job reasons, and you?" I already knew he was going to ask the question and I refused to let the one person who didn't feel sorry for me pity me.

"Moving to America." I never really lied to him, I was moving to America it's just more complicated than that. He paused a little before answering.

"Ever been before?" He looked like he was trying to dodge the reason too, probably picking up the slight distress on my face.

"No, you?" I asked.

"Yeah-h couple of times. Never for personal reasons, just for work. Actually, my work requires me to do a lot of travelling." As soon as he said it I began to wonder what job he was occupied with. Travel agent maybe, archaeologist, flight attendant? Although something about his nervous demeanour told me he wasn't. Photographer?

"Wow, I don't really travel. Actually this is the first time I've been out of the country. Is that weird? I feel like it's weird." I asked, now thinking I sounded like a rambling idiot. He smiles and shook his head.

"No not at all. I-I mean, If I had the choice, I-I would definitely have stayed. Then my life wouldn't be as messed up as it is now." He mumbled the last bit under his breath, probably expecting me not to hear it. It took me by surprise, how could he say that about himself? I didn't notice anything wrong, although now I could tell that he had a bit of a stutter. How could his life be messed up, he seems like a normal functioning guy, how could travelling mess that up? Although I didn't want to I knew the only thing to make him realise his life wasn't as screwed up as he thought would be to tell him about my parents.

"My parents died in a fire, that's why I'm moving. I was in college and this lady took me out of my lesson. She told me the only relative I have left is my aunt in America and that I'll be moving in with her. I couldn't say goodbye to my friends let alone my parents. Everything is gone, and I have nothing. So, if anyone's life is messed up, it would be mine"