Understanding Me

Healing

"Ma'am? Are you okay?" I could barely hear the voice over the drilling in my ears. My head pounded and my eyes blurred every time I tried to open them. But I had to force them open, I had to make sure it was Steve.

"Steve?" I tried to speak, although my voice came out just above a whisper. "Is that you?" With a quick glimpse I saw the face again, but this time it was different. The guy had darker hair and brown eyes. I tried to reach out for his face, but my arms were like charcoal. I felt my throat close up as tears started to line the corner of my eyes. "Steve?" I said again before my head spun again, this time knocking me out.

A while later, I woke up in a bright white room. Corns and tubes connecting to my arms and a drip beside my bed. A faint beeping noise kept setting off the ringing in my ears. I was in a hospital. Immediately I start to sit up, only to receive a painful, sharp sting in the back of my head. I groaned as I lifted my hand to touch the healed cut just above my neck. I was shocked to find bandaged wrapped around my arms and legs, I was almost completely covered. I thanked god that no one would have seen that I've already healed, or I hoped anyway. I slowly began to unravel the white bandages from around my arms then around my legs. Once I had finished, I began to stand but once again was stopped short by a pounding in my head. It must have been bad. I cried out a little as my legs finally held my full weight, they were healed but my muscles ached badly. I walked to the end of my bed to look at my chart.

"Second degree burns across whole of body, most prominent on hands and legs. Fractured skull with possible head damage. Broken back, legs and fractured arms... Fuck." I whispered out. I really did a number last night. Wait, what day is it, I definitely didn't heal that quickly. I check the last update on my chart and see that it's been three days. I've been in the hospital for three days! I whisper swear words under my breath as I frantically look around for my clothes, but I quickly remember that they probably cut them off or they burnt off in the fire. I look down at my current attire of the blue hospital gown, and before hesitating run down the hall towards the entrance.

"Hey! You can't just leave!" Shouted one of the nurses at reception as I sprint past her. I didn't need to be careful, they didn't know my name or anything about me. There's no way that this can be linked back to me. I just needed to get out of there before someone realised that I had already healed. I swung the door open and as quickly as I could, ran my way home through the busy streets of New York. I got strange looks from people passing by and the occasional gasp from old ladies seeing my almost naked body.

My feet ached from the hard floor, but I couldn't stop, I had to get home and I had to leave. If there was even a slight chance, they could find me then I had to pack up and go on the run again, I couldn't afford for them to find me.

I finally stopped running when I came to my door. It was still closed but I had to be safe. I slowly opened the door a millimetre at a time. My hands almost shaking from being so steady. I looked around the dead apartment and didn't step in until I was sure no one was here. I shut my door with a huff and swiftly began to pack up. I set out my duffle bag and put everything I had in – which wasn't much. Clothes, essentials, phone, computer and that was pretty much it. It was almost depressing to look at. This was my life, laid out in front of me. It made me think of what I had before this mess started, but that was a long road which kept going downhill. I thought back to the Avengers, and how different things would be if I had stayed, forgave them and became a part of the team. Maybe I would have a house, an apartment that I actually owned and wasn't just renting. Maybe I would have pictures stuck up on my wall which I painted a pastel blue. Maybe... but I couldn't think of it anymore. It was painful and I was done feeling like that, like I had done something wrong, like I was a monster.

It was late, and although leaving in the night seemed like the best idea, my head still pounded every now and again. I decided to stay until morning. I would go to the gym and collect a final cheque before catching a ride to Virginia, then to North and South Carolina, and finally to Florida. My parents took me as a child, and although now all those memories seemed so artificial, I still wanted to go back. I decided to take a shower, but only a short one, I didn't want to be stuck thinking about the past like I often did.

The water flooded over me like a waterfall, and although it felt heavy on my head, it soothed the pounding slightly. I washed by body and hair before getting out again. I stuck on a pair on trousers with a dark top and put a light jumper on over the top. I stood in the middle of the room before falling onto my lumpy bed. I look out of my window at the dark sky, the moon isolated from the glinting stars behind it. The nights are the worst. That's when my demons come out to play. They taunt me with memories of my past, thoughts I try to bury deep. The night is my enemy and he's come to take me away. He reminds me that I'm alone... that I have no one.

Once again, I feel the swelling of my throat as tears threaten to spill. "Stop! Stop! They didn't want you, they weren't your friends, you don't need them." I say through gritted teeth. I sit up, the pain in my head dull now. I decided to take one last walk through the city, to take in its lights, atmosphere, the people.

As soon as I step out on the street, the noises burn my ears, but it's a nice pain. It's real. I control it. I walk past different people but don't take them in. Once again, I listen to the noises, those too far away for people to hear. I hear sirens and horns and laughing. I look up as I pass a familiar sight, I didn't realise how close I had gotten till I was outside the Stark tower. I didn't stop long, I walked on, a for a moment I felt myself moving on, that was until I heard the scream, not inside, but from the alley. I walk around the corner and see another familiar face, but not the one I thought. Julia. I started to run towards her but stopped when I saw her use the techniques, I showed her in the gym. She punched him in the throat before kneeing him in the balls, I couldn't help but smile inside with her improvement and empowerment. The guy was hunched on the floor as I walked over.

"Julia!" I shouted as I got closer, she looked up startled before staggering over to me, almost whimpering. "You're okay. You were great! You're safe now." She looked up again and as our eyes met, I saw a tear roll down her cheek as a small smile grew on her lips. I opened my mouth to ask if she was okay but was cut short by a loud bang ringing through the air. I felt a little weight nudge me backwards and as my eyes looked down to Julia's chest, I saw blood start to turn her white top red. Without thinking I reach over her shoulder, pushing the man through the air as lights around flickered around us.

"Maddy?" A small voice came out of Julia's lips as her body felt limp to the ground.

"Julia? Can you hear me, Julia?" I panicked as her eyes started to roll around and she couldn't answer back. I placed my hands firmly over the bullet wound before looking around for someone to help. I shouted a few times to on walkers, but all seemed to scurry away acting as though they hadn't seen anything. I turned back to her almost lifeless body... I have to try and help her. If I can heal myself, then I might be able to heal others. I nodded to myself quickly, placing both hands over her wound and closing my eyes to imagine my powers flowing through my hands and into her body. The more I tried to concentrate, the more by head beat with pressure. I pushed past the pain as I could begin to feel the bullet hole closing under my palm. I breathed out, shutting my eyes closed to ease the pain. After a minute of focusing my power to her torso, I finally hear a soft gasp escape her mouth. She was okay. Before she could open her eyes, I stood up ready to leave.

"Maddy?" I look to the entrance of the alley, my breath hitched in my throat as I come face to face with Tony. Not a hallucination, but Tony. His mouth is agape as we both stood watching each, waiting to see what the other would do. I feel my feet start to walk in his direction before I quickly blink, looking down, what am I doing? I look back up to Tony before running towards the other end of the alleyway.

My mind wanders the hole run home, thinking of everything and everyone. I reach for my door, stepping speedily inside as my back hits the wall and I start to slump. I have to leave now. I stand and as I walk to my bedroom. I feel a prick in the side of my neck. I look down slightly, pulling out a little needle and examining it in my palm. I suddenly felt my eyes start to get heavy and my knees start to buckle. Before I knew what was happening, I felt my limp body hit the floor.