Understanding Me

A New Life

~ 3 years later ~

The cold wind from the closing door it my back as I entered. My apartment was a mess, even if there was barely anything in it. A small fridge in the kitchen, next to a stove with a few draws that had a couple tins of soup and fruit, the fridge had an almost finished milk and a jar of jam that was used once but I could never be bothered to throw away. The three-room apartment wasn't much, but it was enough for me.

I dropped onto the small sofa, my knuckles bleeding and bruised, small cuts above my brow and lip didn't help the arrangement, I knew they would heal soon, but it still hurt like a bitch. I groaned as I stood back up and made my way to the kitchen, turning on the cold water and wincing as it hit my hand. Using the first aid kit in the draw, I bandaged myself up before heading into my bedroom. Laying down and thinking, I couldn't sleep and wouldn't be tired for another hour or so, that's how it normally went anyway. I thought about everything, but also nothing in particular, keeping barriers around certain memories.

I picked up my phone on the cabinet beside me, scrolling through my contacts until I found the right name. I prepared a message, 'I'm fine, sorry I didn't call last week, I forgot, hope everything is alright.' I re-read what it said before hitting send. Not long after a message came through, 'That's fine, just remember to call next time. We're fine, Beth's started her new job as a sales assistant, she hates it but it's work.' I smiled at the message, not choosing to message back, instead laying the phone back down and sliding under the covers, although it took a while, I finally fell asleep.

I was woken the next morning by my persistent alarm, I groaned, reaching up and turning it off. Pulling myself out of bed and to the bathroom to brush my teeth, showering and changing into new, clean clothes meant that I was ready to leave. I left the apartment complex and ran down the busy streets of New York, trying carefully to avoid on-walkers.

It took five minutes for me to make it to the gym and as I walked through the door, the common smell of sweat and must hit my noise, I cringed slightly as I made my way to the lockers, taking out my employee top and lanyard. Working at the gym meant that I could not only earn some money, but also that I could train and be trained.

I walked out to the mats seeing my friend Benny. "Hey, Mads, someone at the front desk was looking for you." I frowned, confused, walking towards the front door cautiously. As I turn the corner I pause, eyes meeting with a familiar face, familiar eyes.

"Ryan?" I asked still confused as he had found out where I worked, "What are you doing here?" He smiled walking over to me.

"I wanted to see you again." His smile was irresistible and he knew it.

"We had coffee once." I joked as I lead him out of the gym.

"Well how about dinner this time?"

"I... I can't. I'm sorry, I just have too much stuff happening." I looked down guilty.

"You can't take one night off?" I shook my head. Ever since that day walking back with Beth, I've been cautious about everyone I meet, knowing that there are people out there who want to take me, seriously scares me. That's why I left Jane's, as much as she begged me to stay I couldn't, I can't put them at risk like that. After I packed up and left there have been a few instances where people have tried to follow me, I haven't told Jane however, she would scream down the phone and practically throw me in the car driving us back. I thank her all the time for everything she's done for me, but this would be asking too much.

"Sorry Ryan." His face fell before nodded, he didn't say anything as he left. I frowned again, walking back into the main hall, Benny was ready to bombard me with questions.

"Who was he? How did you meet him? Do you need me to go and tell him to leave?" I shook my head, chuckling lowly at the slightly younger boy.

"I'm fine, Benny." I smiled to him before walking over to a woman in the far right, she was trying to hit a bag but was failing miserably. "Here, you should do it like this," I showed her my fist, "It will hurt the attacker without hurting your hand." She nodded and watched as I punched the bag. She smiled thanking me. She was shy and quite frail, not the typically type you would see in the gym. "What's your name?" I asked politely.

"Julia." She replied as simply as possible. I smiled, holding out my hand.

"Maddy." She smiled taking it softly.

"Are you here for defence lessons?" She lowered her head, smiling lightly. "Anyone in particular?" I asked but she didn't reply.

"I just think it would be good to learn." She stuttered out, I could tell she was lying but didn't push further.

"I could teach you if you want?" I asked as her eyes lit up.

"I can't pay you much." I shook my head.

"Don't pay me anything, this is from a friend to a friend." She smiled brighter this time as I started to show her the basics.

I showed her how to kick, punch and defend herself appropriately, for a small girl like her she would need quick and minimal strength strategies to be able to stand a chance in a fight. She seemed to come out of her shell the more we practiced, and she really seemed to understand what I was doing, learning all the manoeuvres quickly.

"How did you learn all this?" She asked as we finished up the session. My mind thought back to a few years ago but quickly snapped away.

"Just something I learned over the years. "I explained as I walked her to the front of the gym.

"You're really good!" She exclaimed as we left. I laughed, smiling.

"You are too! Come back whenever you need, I'm here every day." I called as she started walking to her car. She shouted back a 'thank you' before driving away. I smiled, running back into the gym to finish my 10-hour shift.

Laying back onto my bed when I got home, I was exhausted and took a long four-hour nap. I couldn't wait to sleep for the whole night, but I had to get up again soon.

I woke up in what seemed like only twenty minutes, I wiped my eyes before grabbing my clothes for the night and going for another shower, cleaning off the sweat from the day. The water felt like gold on my body, the hot water sank into my skin and woke me up immediately. Once I got out, I dried my hair, leaving it half messy, changed into my black clothes finished with a black leather jacket and pulled on my shoes. I looked at the clock and saw it was ten in the evening, I left my apartment, locking the door behind me and left the complex. As I walked through the streets of New York, my senses were over loaded with information.

I aimlessly walked for a couple of hours, getting bored with the night but refusing to go home. My eyes scanned the buildings but found nothing of interest, the bars were quiet, or as quite as they usually were, and the nights atmosphere was pretty dull.

That's when I heard it, the noise was almost inaudible, but I could pick it up. It was a scream. As I ran towards the sound my breathing got heavier, my heart rate got faster, and my pupils dilated. I turned the corner of an alley to find a man hunched over a young woman on the floor. I paused, letting my breathing settle. I closed my eyes feeling the power flow through me. This was me being good. My now white eyes opened as my hands flew up, invisible energy cracking the walls and concrete, shattering the street lights above us and knocking the man completely off his feet.