Understanding Me

A Pawn

The door swung open, white light flooding the dark room instantly. I sat up quickly from my place on the bed, eager to see who now was at my door, if it were Miss Williams, Gregory Scott... or someone worse. It had been a week since I first arrived at Hydra, and the days seemed to flow together, the harsh routine was my only indication of the changing days. I would be woken by a loud bang and a tray slipping through the opening in my door. I would then wait until they would collect me for testing in which they would pock and prod me with different needles, extracting blood and bone marrow. I would be allowed to rest for a couple of hours until I was woken back up for sound trials where they would test different frequencies and how they affected my power ability, and as I lay on the floor in pain they would slot through my evening meal, often something tasteless and inedible. Afters days of effort they had found frequencies to increase my power and a way to nullify it; all the while I wondered what they had planned for me.

The days were difficult, but I never let it show on my face, I couldn't show them how they broke a piece of me every day, how the aches in my body never faded... because that would mean they had won. No one was coming for me, but I refuse to give in to Hydra. But somehow the pain I felt in the day didn't quite come close to the pain at night. The dull ache that plagued my entire body as I lied in the hard bed for hours thinking over everything that's happened. At least when I was on the run, I could leave the apartment and busy myself with tasks around the city, and now during the day I was in too much pain to think about anything. The few hours I got between dinner and breakfast I spent thinking about S.H.I.E.L.D; where they were, what they were doing, if they thought about me as much as I thought about them. I hated them for what they did to me, and I hated myself for how much my mind wandered to them. I thought about Julia, and what happened that day, where she was and if she was okay. What she thought of me now she knew what I was, and what Tony thought when he saw me... I think about Steve. If he ever cared at all. If he liked me or was just pretending. And if he did, did he still. If I had judged him too quickly, if I had judged them all too quickly? But I have to remind myself that what they did was wrong, that I had a right to be upset, and most importantly... I didn't need them, as much as I wished for them to turn up and save me.

My eyes blinked a couple of times before focusing on the figure standing in the doorway. "Madison," It was Gregory with his usual scowl, one I was slowly getting used to in here. He walked slowly to my bed before bending down to my height. "today is a very important day for us. Hydra have been preparing for this for years now. Today we send you out into the field." At first it didn't really register what he was saying, but as he went on it became clearer. My first mission with Hydra. I didn't know what to expect, what they would make me do, if they would use the frequencies on me or if they would make me hurt someone. I couldn't help but think back to my first mission with S.H.I.E.L.D, that was the day I realised the full extent of my powers, the day I became a murderer. Still to this day I wake up in a cold sweat with nightmares about that guy and I what I did.

I looked up defiantly at Gregory, gradually standing to meet his height. "No." He shook his head before leaving the room as another high-pitched frequency ran through the speaker; even though I heard it every day for hours it still hurt as much as the first time it played. My knees gave way and as I fell to the floor, within a moment Gregory grabbed me into his arms. The noise was over faster than during the daily sessions, and as soon as I regained my hearing Gregory spoke roughly in my ear.

"You don't really have a choice here, Madison." Exhausted, I looked up into his cold eyes and cringed, I sighed begrudgingly before standing back alone. A larger man walked into the small room behind Gregory, he held a large, electrical collar device in his hands that made my eyes widen. Gregory moved aside as the man opened the device before placing it around my neck, closing it and letting the heavy mental fall onto my shoulders before walking out of the room. I reached up to my throat and started to pull at the thing, desperate eyes pleading with Gregory to let it loose. "This device stops you from using your powers unnecessarily... stop you from getting any ideas." He grabbed my arm before dragging me out of my room and down the hall. After a short walk we entered a much larger room with weapons and gear placed strategically on the walls and in cupboards. There were about fifteen men gathered around, picking up guns and knives, occasionally discussing different things to each other. When I entered, the whole room quietened down as everyone looked in our direction, Gregory still latched onto my arm. Instead of gearing up as the others did, Gregory walked me to the other side of the room while waiting for the others. After a nod, we started to walk down more halls and to a large garage with many vehicles. At this point Gregory harshly threw a burlap sack over my head so I couldn't see where we were going. After being thrown into the back of a van I started to shake and panic at all the questions left unanswered, too many to even ask myself.

After what I assume to be an hour of constant driving the van stopped with a halt and before I knew it, I was being dragged out roughly. I heard small discussions before someone ripped the sack off my head and I could finally gather my surroundings. We were in a large abandoned building, similar to the one from my first mission with S.H.I.E.L.D; being there brought back unpleasant memories that sent the familiar ache through my bones. I frowned thinking about why they had brought me here, what was my 'first mission'? Gregory finally joined us round the back of the van as he checked the small advanced tablet in his hands. He gave a small nod towards one of the agents who then started to walk towards me. At first I flinched and leaned away as he took out a small device and reached towards me. One of the agents behind me grabbed my neck violently before thrusting me forward. The man once again approached me, this time putting the device in one ear, I squirmed as I cringed to imagine at what it actually was. Gregory once again nodded and I was dragged to a seat in the middle of the wide loft, the men tied me with rope to the chair as Gregory watched with the same sick smile on his lips.

"So Ghost, this is where we leave you. Let's just hope we've given them enough clues to find you." He smiled again before lurching forward and stuffing a cloth into my mouth. My eyebrows lowered in confusion and struggle as he actually began to walk away. They're just going to leave me? And who is he referring to? Immediately I began to try and escape the knots, first I struggled against them, pulling and tugging until the skin on my wrists tore. I then tried to break away by using my powers but as much as I tried, I could not force my powers to the surface, it almost ached that something that normally came so naturally was so out of my grip. I cringed as I pushed harder and harder but it started to dawn on me that the device latched to my neck was impeding the use of my powers, which only scared me for what would happen next. Just as I was about to give up, I saw the door on the far right corner of the loft open quickly and running in were large men dressed in black holding heavy artillery close to their chests. I saw them start to rush over to me in formation and as they got closer I realised that these men were not strangers, they were agents, agents I passed many times when I lived back on the ship, and at this realisation a sick feeling flooded my gut. I knew Hydras plan, I now new what my first mission was.

I started to panic and shake my head at the advancing men, through the gag I started to scream and warn them away, they didn't listen to me and I couldn't stop what was about to happen. They approached me quickly, I could see the passion and pride on their faces when they thought they had found me, they must have wondered why I had looked so frightened. The first agent to reach me grabbed me and started to untie the ropes behind me as the other men secured the base. I still struggled as another man approached me and took the cloth from my mouth.

"You're okay, we've got y-" I cut him off, lurching forward to grab his shoulders.

"You have to get out of here!" He frowned before I continued. "Please-" Suddenly the power seeped through me, stronger than it had ever felt, like a waterfall crashing into everything around me. I squeezed my eyes shut, the noise from the mic in my ear now making them bleed, the liquid trickling down my neck. I couldn't hear my own screams but I knew they were there. I couldn't stop, no matter how much I tried. It felt like forever until I felt my powers cease. I dropped to the floor in a lump, curled up and let out a sob of pain before looking up out at the room. The men. The men lay lifeless on the floor, their bodies had left indents on the walls and smears of blood, same blood that puddled below them. I felt the tears role down my cheek, and I lay my head on the concrete floor and beg for this all to be over.

Everything felt numb, I barely felt the arms grab my body from the floor and carry my out of the room. I couldn't move or struggle. I couldn't fight against this, that's what Hydra wanted to prove to me. I was their pawn in a sick game, and I couldn't do anything.