saudade ♣︎ multi fandom gif imagines

"don't be afraid"

"I wanna thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything," he breathed, his chest falling slowly with his breaths.

"Why are you thanking me?" You asked, laying your head lightly onto his chest, careful not to hurt his pale and fragile body. His once strong hands weaved into your hair, massaging and calming you from the tragic reality. He was only 18, one day traveling the world with not a care in the world, and another spent staring at a blank hospital ceiling.

Everything happened so fast, yet slowly in the shadows that were looked over for deadly months.

"I just wanted to thank you before I lose my chance," he breathed, his hand resting on your back. "I'll miss you."

Your vision clouded with tears, stinging your eyes and threatening to fall down your cheeks. "Don't say that, you'll be fine."

"Don't fucking lie to me anymore. I'm tired of everything and everyone telling me I'm going to be okay." He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. "We all know I'm dying, hell, I know I'm dying."

You didn't know what to say. You knew it too. You'd prayed you'd never have to get to this day, but here it was, and now you're sat with your best friend breathing crucial breaths and talking about inevitable death. You began to cry.

"Y/n, no, don't cry-" he trailed off, attempting to keep his own tears in. "Don't cry for me, I don't want anyone to cry for me."

You lifted your head to meet his shiny eyes. He was still so beautiful with his skin so pale and lips terrible cracked.

"You're still beautiful," you said, pursing your lips to cease a cry. "So damn beautiful to me."

He lifted a heavy hand, his thumb barely touching your skin to wipe your tears away.

"I'm not beautiful like this," he croaked. "Not in these moments, at least.."

"But you are, Shawn. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, no matter what state you're in or what you're wearing; you're too damn beautiful in my eyes."

He licked his pale lips, but his mouth was so dry that they stayed dry and cracked. He tried to smile, but his lips split, allowing tiny lines of blood to surface in the creases of them. He then spoke, but his words were so quiet you almost missed them, deciphering his voice before processing his request.

"Will you lay with me? Just for a little bit?"

You nodded, carefully situating yourself next to him, wary to where to put your arms to hold him. You lightly placed your hand upon his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat when yours was so slow.

He struggled to keep it beating sometimes.

You two laid there for an hour, no words spoken between you, and you must've fallen asleep.

When you woke, Shawn's chest was beginning to heave. You quickly raised your head, seeing that he was crying, and your heart broke for the hundredth time. You moved the hair from his forehead, "Shawn, wake up.."

He stirred before opening his eyes, slightly red from crying.

"I'm okay," he said.

You shook your head, "I need to know."

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out; only a choked sob. "It hurts, everything hurts," he cried, grabbing onto your hand, which you took and never wanted to let go of.

"I'm so sorry," you spoke as you began to cry, too.

The look of pain on his face and you knew it was only a sign of what destruction was happening inside his chest. You knew there was nothing you could do; nothing anybody could do to help him. So you got up from the rickety hospital bed and leaned in to kiss his cheek that was stained with tears, but right as you were about to touch his skin, Shawn moved his head and met his lips with yours. As surprised as you were, you didn't pull away. His lips were cold like his hands, and you were sure if you were to feel any part of him he would be the same way.

Physically void with a healthy mind.

He was trapped in a fading confinement of himself, but he was still beautiful.

You pulled away, running your fingertips through his hair with a smile as you cried again.

"Don't be afraid," you whispered to him, your fingers running through his hair so softly it was like you were caressing a ghost.

He then spoke his last words, the breath coming after sounding silent and painless.

He then closed his eyes. "I'm not afraid."

And your whole world had faded away in your arms.