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"i don't want to fight"

"If you would sit the hell down for two damn minutes then maybe we could make some progress!" Tom yelled at you. His face was red with anger and his clenched fists made it very clear how frustrated he was through his actions. You were both so close to tearing each others hair out to the point that your nails dug into your palms painfully to resist actually doing so.

You and Tom loved each other unconditionally, which made arguing brutal and harder than it usually would be. You didn't fight often with him, but both of you were exhausted and on short fuses that night before dinner and a few unpopular opinions had sparked something completely unintentional.

Tom had mentioned a one in a lifetime offer for a new film at dinner and you couldn't stop yourself when you made a comment.

"Honestly fuck the film. Why can't you stay home for at least a month?"

Of course you didn't mean what you said, but hearing Tom speak about it so excitedly and having to leave as soon as possible made you angry. For the past year he hadn't been home for an extended amount of time, and although you made a long distance relationship work, it paid a toll on you both.

"What? Fuck the film? Do you not understand the opportunity-"

"You have opportunities all the time!"

You didn't mean it. You didn't mean it. You didn't mean any of it. Not a word, but it was word vomit and it wouldn't stop. The way he looked at you made it clear that he was hurt, but you couldn't bear to let him leave for so long again when he'd just gotten back. And so now here you two were, standing eight feet apart in the living room with your arms crossed. The nice spaghetti dinner you'd made together was now cold and sat partially uneaten on the table.

• • •

"You're not listening to what I'm saying!" You yelled and threw your hands up in frustration.

"Not listening?" He scoffs and walks closer towards you, almost looking intimidating as he shakes his head in disbelief. "You think I haven't been listening?"

He towers over you as he waits for a remark back. Despite looking incredibly intimidating he keeps his cool and waits for your retort.

You had been arguing for an hour now and even though you knew that you were saying some harsh things, you couldn't make yourself apologize when you still meant parts of them. You stepped backwards and let him pass, rolling your eyes in the process and avoiding his stern look.

"Well?" He questioned.

He was still looking at you the same way and you continued to look at the opposite wall. The same wall that held up pictures of you both smiling in beautiful memories. Tears began to swell into your eyes at the sight of you both in front of the Eiffel Tower, and the one at Niagara Falls. And the one on your beach vacation only months ago. Memories like those are what you missed. Memories like those were why you were clinging so tightly to him right now.

"What?" You choked out, breaking from your false persona that you had put on. A thick tear escaped your eye but you quickly turned from Tom to wipe it away.

But he saw it and it made his heart hurt.
"Well what now?"

You couldn't hold yourself together now that your walls had been internally destroyed and you pursed your lips as tears burned and filled your eyes. Both of your hearts were broken and neither of you had the energy to go on.

You buried your face in your palms as you cried, tears escaping the net of your hands and falling to the soft carpet below your feet. Tom's knees felt weak and he plopped himself down onto the couch and stared at the photos you cherished.

"Please, Tom," you whined, more hot tears brimming your eyes, and fell to your knees in front of him. Your hands gripped his thick hoodie and you buried your head in his lap. The tears that welled up so thickly finally fell as you squeezed your eyes shut and let your pent up emotions escape. The tears from your sudden sobs soaked his jean clad thigh in the shape of your eyes but you didn't care, you just wanted him to hold you and kiss you and tell you that he wasn't mad.

Tom wouldn't admit it but watching you fall apart was tearing him apart. He didn't want to give in but his hands ached and shook so bad from holding back the urge to coddle you. He acted like your tears and your fists grabbing at his sweatshirt didn't bother him so he threw his hands behind his head lazily and clenched his jaw in "annoyance".

Annoyance... it was anything but that. It was pain. He loved you so much and watching you fall apart felt like a stab to the heart. But you'd still hurt him with your piercing words, no matter how much you regretted them.

When you raised your head up he was still avoiding your face. You couldn't blame him. You were a mess. You had given up.

"Fine," you sighed and rose to your feet. Your body felt exhausted and physically defeated and you couldn't bear to put more energy into the argument. You looked down at Tom who hadn't moved and was now picking at his fingernails to avoid looking into your tear-stained features any longer. He couldn't.

"I'm going to bed. Do what you want, I don't care. I just don't want to fight anymore."