saudade ♣︎ multi fandom gif imagines

"my name is bucky"

• B.B •
WARNING
contains references to drug activity, suicide and death, and negligence of a child. read at your own risk.

The quiet and isolation had been what you were used to. It comforted you when you laid by yourself in silence just staring at the ceiling in thought. You loved the conditions that would make any normal human being go insane; lose their mind from disconnection with the social world. It had been what you grew up in. More in your later years than your younger years you realized the desolation was what you craved.

The first twelve years of your life you never got to experience the bliss of silence. Your parents were dangerous and violent, addicted to drugs and illegal activity. You were a mistake in their eyes and were forced to raise yourself in unacceptable conditions. When they weren't high off their asses, your parents forced basic needs and principles onto you haphazardly. You never spoke a word until you were twelve years old; until it was too late for proper first words.

The morning of your twelfth birthday your parents spoke of a big celebration. That night both of them overdosed on whatever was in reach and died together on their bathroom floor. You had no idea until you woke up the next morning. That was the first time you ever experienced the bliss of silence.

At first you believed your parents' deaths were the best thing that ever happened to you. That was until the smell of decay began to take over the apartment and forceful knocks and yells from booming voices assaulted the front door everyday. You realized that you were scared then. When your parents were alive, at least they hid you away when they did business. Now you were helpless if one of them decided to bust down the door or smash the porch window. You stayed by yourself for four days until the smell was overwhelming and the wood was splitting on the front door.

You walked the streets, begging for food and money, for two short days. It only took two days before someone took attention to the you, bruised and malnourished, living outside the apartment buildings where your parents' bodies still decayed.

It was Bucky Barnes who had seen you hopelessly scavenging through trash bins on a Wednesday morning. He was nervous to approach you but the constant pang of guilt and sadness in his chest couldn't allow him to just walk away. He himself had been alone and had felt the feeling of last resort. He knew he had to help you. He cautiously walked up to you and held out a paper bag of fresh fruits. Your eyes were wide as you gasped and jumped away in surprise. The man had a metal arm from what you could see! He noticed your uneasiness and switched the bag to his flesh hand and held it back to you. You took it hastily and began to walk away backwards with an eye on the rough looking man with the metal arm.

"Are you alone?" He asked and you nodded with an eye on the shiny metal.

"Do you need help?" He reached to his backpack straps and you flinched, scared of what he might pull out or do to you. "No, no! I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help."

You stopped walking but stood your distance away from him. He dropped his backpack to the ground and put his hands up to show he wasn't dangerous.

"My name is Bucky. What's your name?"

A sudden flash of heat ran through your body after his words. He had asked you your name. You weren't afraid to answer him, but as far as you could remember, you hadn't spoken a word.

Bucky took one slow step forward. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

You opened your mouth to speak but the only sound that came out was ugly and hurt your throat. Bucky looked at you in confusion.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

You shook your head and pointed to your throat. Bucky had understood.

You psychically trembled and Bucky backed up. He didn't want to startle you more than you already were.

"If you need help, my apartment is 7C and I will not hesitate to give you whatever you need. I don't have much, but I can't leave you out here knowing you're digging through the trash."

Your eyes watered and Bucky wanted nothing more to pick up your small frame and help you. But he knew better than to just grab a young girl, so he left the offer with you and headed for the stairs.

That offer had changed your life forever. After Bucky had left for his apartment, you sat on the sidewalk for hours until the sky went gray and thunder boomed in the distance. Your feet carried you instinctively to your apartment, but when you got to the door it was broken into and the sound of furniture being moved filled your ears. You turned and ran back to the stairs as quietly as possible and ran upwards until you got to 7C.

Four years later and you and Bucky had an unbreakable bond. He had fed you, given you a place to sleep and bathe, and cared for you with the little that he had. It took a long while but you eventually opened up to him, and in return he opened up to you. Your trust in him was incredible and he encouraged you to try and speak with him. For four years you improved. You still didn't speak in full conversations, but it was enough for both you and Bucky. You didn't need words for him to see how much you appreciated him.

It was the same for him.