How I feel

XIV

I wake up the next morning with a stiff neck. 

I tried to move around so that I could relieve some of the pain, but couldn't because of the weight over my side. I shifted slightly to push it off and heared a low grunt and a thud.

That stirred me awake relatively quickly and I sprung up to see what had just fallen. Looking down I found Carter sprawled over the floor but very much still asleep. I shake my head, knowing that he could probably sleep through an earthquake.  

I stretched out and let out a satisfied grown, looking around the lounge room and all of the family photos that scattered the walls, finally getting the sense that I am home. 

I felt something vibrate under me, and grabbed my phone and seeing who was calling me. 

I answer... even though I knew I shouldn't of. 

"Jeremy" I stated, giving nothing away with how my heart was currently beating out of my chest. 

"You left" his voice broke and I nearly hung up then and there, I wasn't going to allow him to make me feel bad about my decision. 

"I did" 

"You didn't tell me... Why?" 

"Jer... you know why" 

"You left because of me didn't you?" 

The silence that followed answered his question for him. 

"I really fucked up didn't I?" 

Again, I felt like silence was the only appropriate answer. Other than being really hurt I didn't know how I felt about it... 

"I don't know Jeremy" I whisper back, hating how much this hurt. 

"I'm so sorry" he whispered back. 

"If I could take it all back I would, I wish a grew up and realised that we were worth a chance, and given us one" 

I muffle the soft sob that exits my mouth upon his confession and try to gather myself together, not wanting him to know how much what he is saying is effecting me. 

He didn't say for a while and then let out a deep sigh. 

"God I miss you... I miss us. How we used to be before I screwed it up... even though that probably wasn't the best relationship either but I still miss it. I miss you. Your laugh, and smile, and the way that you see through all the bullshit and just see me" throughout his little speech tears began to well up in my eyes. 

"I miss you too" I whispered back, not being able to say it at a normal voice without choking back my sobs. There was a moment of silence before his response. 

"That's all I needed" he says before hanging up without another word. 

I just sat there for a few minutes, wondering whether or not that just happened. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deciding not to forget about the early conversation Carter and I went to the beach. It felt like old times, Carter and I carving up the waves on a Saturday morning after family night on a Friday. 

After a few hours the heat was starting to get to me and I paddled back in. Upon making it to shore I stood and watched my little brother out there, and a sense of pride filled me. God that kid could surf. 

I knew it wouldn't be long until he came in so I thought I would order us some breakfast at the café. 

Coming out about 10 minutes later hands full of juices and brekkie rolls I found Carter standing next to my board looking around until his eyes fell on me and lit up when he saw what was in my hands. 

"Brekkie rolls? This really is a miracle" he excitedly states yanking the bag that holds his precious roll out of my hands. 

"Shut up and eat" I laughed and sat down on the sand. Putting his hands up in a surrender and sat next to me. 

We just sat there staring out on the water and eating our breakfast, but I knew there was a question burning in Carter's mind and it was going to come out eventually. 

"So...." 

"He told me he did it all to make me jealous.... and then Matt told me that he loved me" I took in a much needed breath and turned to face my little brother, digging my feet further into the sand. 

"I snapped. And I couldn't be around him anymore, much less go away with him you know... So after exams I just got out of there and came home" 

I felt Carter grab my hand give it a squeeze. 

"I'm glad you told me" he smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. I laughed and hugged him back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ALLEGRA!" 

I groaned and rolled over on the bed. 

"What?" came my muffled reply as I tried to bury myself in the covers. But as usual my mother had a different plan. 

"Get up get up get up get up get up!" she yelled whilst jumping up and down on my bed. 

"Nooooooooo" I howled as she continued to jump until laughing and laying next to me. 

"Come on Pumpkin, it's time to get up" she kissed my hair and moved to get off the bed. 

"What time is it?" I mumbled, still slightly disoriented. 

"It's 10:30, in the morning, you slept from when you came home last night until now, so I thought I should get you up" she smiled down at me again and kissed my forehead before moving to the door. 

"Now get up" she said sternly, all with a smile on her face. 

Turning over I grabbed my phone on my bedside table, and looked at the screen. I was very confused at all the missed calls I had from my brother and best friends. 

I heard the ringing as I waited for Matthew to pick up the phone. 

"Al thank God I've trying to warn you all day, why haven't you picked up your phone?" the panicked breath came out of the other side of the phone. 

"I was sleeping... Matt what's wrong?" I asked sitting up in the bed. 

"I didn't know what he was talking about, or maybe I did and just ignored it and I'm really sorry I should have stopped him or realised what he was going on about. But I didn't and this is my fault and you're going to be so pissed with me, but that's okay because I deserve it and...." 

"Matthew! Get to the point! What is wrong?" 

"He is there Allegra. He flew home and probably landed about an hour ago. " 

I sat in the silence trying to put it together..... He flew home?

"It's okay Matt, thanks for the warning but I doubt he'll come here" I stated. 

"Oh, I bet that is the first place he would go", was all I heard before I saw him, standing in front of me, huffing and puffing like he ran all the way across the ocean to see me. 

"Jeremy"