have a biscuit potter; rant book

"best friends" by 14 year old me

**NOT AT ALL HARRY POTTER RELATED SKIP IF YOU DONT CARE LOL I WON'T MIND**

I've always just had this thought that I'd write a book when I'm older. Like it was never "I want to write a book" or "I hope to write a book", I just would write a book. Since I was young (bc I'm not now okay) I'd just imagine how to write out situations that have happened to me for this book, which would be series of stories and depressing poems about the deep ass emotions my 12 year old self apparently experienced.

But do not worry! I will not harm your eyes and show you these poems and long ass rants I've written. Instead, I'll show you this little rant about "best friends" that I wrote like a year after I realised that I'm a selfish bitch who shouldn't be allowed to have ONE best friend lmao.

Also I'm pretending like being 14 was so long ago, it wasn't. BUT my grammar was much worst and the whole thing was very unnecessarily exaggerated, anyway enjoy tho.

BEST FRIENDS.

I grew up as an only child. I never shared clothes, toys or anything that I didn't want to. I also grew up mostly around adults, be that my mum's work friends or nannies. Meaning that until the age of eight the only interactions I had with children my age, other than nursery and reception, was when my best friend would come over to my house with her dad.

She had very fair skin, big blue eyes and amazingly curly, blonde hair. Let's call her Pearl. Pearl's dad was best friends with my dad since Primary School, so naturally, the two of us also became the 'bestest' of friends since we were, pretty much, born.

Behaviour wise, we were polar opposites. She was shy around most, quiet and overly polite to everyone. I was obnoxiously loud, very outspoken and loved being in control of everyone and everything, including Pearl.

We probably had the most unhealthy friendship that two 1-to-8 year olds can have, I was always the one deciding what we're going to play and who our favourite characters in TV shows were, all while she quietly let me manipulate her as if she was a doll.

Which she wasn't and still isn't, she's a real person who should've stopped hanging out with me the second she found our friendship uncomfortable. But here comes the weird thing, she never did. She liked being told what to do, she felt lost without it.

A little backstory without exposing her too much, her mother was also very demanding. Having very tight schedules and routines, strict dieting habits and so on. So as unhealthy and toxic as it was, we were both happy and content in this 'friendship' of ours.

(No surprise, come our teenage years and we barely talk to each other, other than our birthdays where we share awkward 'Happy Birthday' messages and pictures from when we were children.)

Fast forward a few years, I'm thirteen years old and living in a country I've never even dreamed of visiting. I have a new best friend, a thing that made me happy since previously I've been jumping around friendship groups, desperately trying to fit in.

She also had extremely curly hair, even curlier than Pearl's, though hers was a dark brown colour. She was very short and had the most beautiful skin colour, which was only slightly lighter than the colour of her eyes. Let's call her Luna.

Behaviour wise, we were pretty much identical. Both loud, both annoying, both slightly geeky and both overly hyper. We also shared a lot of our interests. That resulted in a lot of memorable moments; like singing different Hamilton songs into Harry Potter wands and pretending they were microphones, fangirling over any time that Dan and Phil breathed, watching Fairy Tail in lessons that were meant for filmmaking, making cringe-worthy lip-syncing videos to Twenty One Pilots songs and many more, which I'll keep for my sentimental heart to dwell on for a while longer.

But nevertheless, I was still the same girl I was back when I was friends with Pearl, and that girl doesn't like sharing. I've always had one best friend at a time, one. I was Pearl's best friend and she was mine, no other people came into the equation. So when Luna met other friends and started hanging out with some of her old ones again, I got jealous. I also made new friends, friends who I still love and cherish to this day, and slowly watched as the bond Luna and I had began breaking.

It hurt me a lot, as it should since I was very inexperienced in this whole 'sharing' thing. It hurt to see her hang out and post pictures with her other friends, it hurt to sit at the same lunch table as her and not being the girl next to her singing, laughing and ignoring everyone around us, it hurt when I would message my mum that I finished school and am heading home only to have her reply "Isn't Luna coming with you?". But what hurt the most was sitting next to her in a lesson, or a certain break time, where we would make the same old inside-jokes, sing the same old songs and talk about the same old things we used to.

Because those were the times where I realised that to her, I wasn't special. I was her friend, maybe a some-what best friend, identical to her other handful of friends. I dedicated myself to the friendship, she was my best friend and no one else could compare to her. She was my best friend and I was meant to be hers.

So to Luna, who knows exactly why I chose that name for her, if you're reading this (she's not lmao poor me letting my emotions out on wattpad), thank you. Thank you for being the first person to break my heart like that and thank you for teaching me valid reasons of friendship. I love you and I would never change our past friendship for anything, I'm proud to say that I once called you my best friend.