Raison D'être
(n.) A reason for existing
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Archer has been through a lot. Struggling with depression, and a voice in her head that just won't go away, she is driven to the edge of suicide. As she is almost successful, a...
I was walking home, but I wanted to walk towards the bridge, because of the view. I loved going there, that space gives me time to think. I drop by the house so I can get changed. When I walk towards the house, I check the mailbox, and I see a letter. The envelope made with camouflage flowers. It looked beautiful. The writing was printed semi-neatly, like they were taking the time to write this letter to me, but also rushing to get somewhere.
I put the letter in my back pocket, trying not to mess it up. While I take a shower, I think about life. But, something was bothering me. I had a terrible feeling, and it only got worse and worse. I quickly got dressed and put clothes on. While on the way out, I go in my other pants to get the letter, deciding to read it on the way to the bridge.
It is a thirty minute walk to the bridge from my house. I walk and enjoy the scenery.
25 minutes
The letter is burning in my pocket, but I don't read it yet. I look at and see someone also walk, their hands folded and in front of their chest. They are farther away from me, but I can make out the type of hair they have. Short curly hair that is let loose.
20 minutes
The girl that was way ahead of me starts running, she is running like her life depended on it. I think she is also heading towards the bridge. I see something shiny fall out of her back pocket. I run and pick it up, inspecting it. It looks like a bracelet, with diamonds the shape of hearts and stars. I put it in my pocket, planning on giving it to the girl that ran off.
15 minutes
As I am walking, I admire the pond that is in front of me, the ducks swimming without a care in the world. I wonder what it would be like without someone special in life to care for you. I always end up thinking about this question again. Just life in general, is there a reason why we need to live? We all are going to be dead anyway, so what's the point? I unconsciously touch the bracelet, making sure it was still there.
10 minutes
The letter is becoming to much, I feel a need to read it now. I open it and sees what it says
Dear Matthew, This is very awkward for me to write, because your reaction will matter to me the most, even if I don't get to see it ever again.
I was confused, but kept reading.
You probably will hate me forever. And I wouldn't blame you if you did. But please just read the letter carefully. That would mean a lot to me if you did.
I feel myself walking... Faster? My gut was telling me to go faster to the bridge, but I already knew a shorter way, so I went through there.
I will just get to the point already. I really like you. In fact, I am, and probably still will be, in love with you. I am pretty sure you don't know who I am. Let me describe myself at least, and you can figure it out.
I softly laugh at that. I don't pay attention to anyone except one person, who always catches my eye.
I am the one who is quiet and seems nice. When I am with my friends, I am the loud one. I always didn't want to be forgotten, that's why I'm loud with them. I hate presenting, that's my number one fear because being judged is something I can't deal with.
I try and think of people at school with that kind of personality. I couldn't think of anyone like that. But that sounded familiar.
I wouldn't blame you if you don't remember. But, anyway back to the point. I am really in love with you that it is... Somewhat disturbing. I am sorry that I freak you out, but I love the way you laugh, it sounds like true happiness. But I can also see the pain behind your eyes, even if everyone else doesn't. I know, because I have been there before, because I am in that situation now. I am attached to you like a drug, and you hate me. You don't even look at me, and you only acknowledge me when necessary.
I have a feeling I know who it is, but I continue reading. I am about 5 minutes there from the bridge.
I feel trapped, I felt unloved by my family. My sister was there for me, but even she got bored of me. My girlfriend, I felt like an asshole for not really loving her because of... You. I am infatuated with you. I know that we are in high school, but I can't help but feel like this. This is really saying something for me, I act coldly towards people because I am scared they will hurt me. But, I am hurting myself. I am sorry if I sound like an idiot, but I am suicidal and I know that I am.
My throat has a lump. I feel as though I am about to cry.
Might as well say that. I am the girl who speaks her mind and is about commit suicide today. I just wanted to tell you that. I hope you have a happy life, and please remember that you are the joy I wish I had in life. That is why I also love you, because you were always happy. I hope you find someone.❤️
Love, Archer🖤
I am at the bridge, suddenly I hear singing. You can hear the heartbreak and passion in what they are singing, like they are singing for the last time. I stop, I can't help but feel captivated by it. There was so much emotion in every note she sang. I walked quietly towards her, she can't see me yet because she is focused on the water below. I jump slightly when she looks up at the sky and starts yelling softly
I will fear the night again I hope I'm not my only friend
You can see the smile on her face, she looks like a piece of art . Her grey t-shirt fitting perfectly around her slightly pudgy stomach, her pants fit all her curves, and her rather pale feet contrasting her light brown skin, with her short wild hair looking perfectly messy. I continued to listen to her sing.
Stay alive, stay alive for me You will die, but now your life is free Take pride in what is sure to die
Silence
I was so memorized by her singing that I could still hear it in my head. I saw her take a step forward towards the edge. I am finally out of my trance
"Please stop!" I yell at her
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An: yay! Remember that you are important and that you don't have to go through what you are if you have problems, please talk to someone if you do have problems.
