I'm going to be honest with you all.
My whole life I've felt like I've never been able to please anyone.
Everything I did was "not enough" You know?
Something was always missing.
And that feeling was horrible because it didn't just come from one pe...
It's my challenge and I don't even know how to start. But let's get right to it.
Hey there it's jani here
When I was small I saw my life as so much fun. All the friends I had and all my family loved me so much. I was always a treasure and light to my families life. But as I grew they began noticing my defects.
They began noticing I was not like the rest. And this did not make anyone happy. So they began "fixing" me to their standards. I was totally okey because I was a child and didn't quite understand. After all, I still thought I was "good enough".
As I grew up more of my personality flourished and I became much more unique. And I loved being myself, I loved being different because it made me feel special.
My point of view on the world is that most of humanity is hidden away. They try so hard to be accepted that they change who they are. And it's sad. I promised myself I would never change to make anyone but myself happy.
But soon enough those that I cared for the most told me I had to change some aspects of myself. And I didn't understand why. If they cared for me then they would love me just the way I am, right?
Well I was wrong . Now people wanted me to be "prettier" "smarter" "sportier" more "lady like" "thiner" . And I was so lost and confused.
I had to be different for everyone so that they would accept me. And I didn't want to loose the people I loved so I broke my promise to myself and I began to "change".
I cried so much and I felt so much pain and sorrow . All because I was trying to be something I was not. I told myself that I did it so that I would be accepted by those that "loved" me.
Then it hit me. I was just like everyone else, I was trying to be "accepted" and that realization was the most painful part of it all.
My family though I wasn't too lady like and some even though my work at school wasn't enough. I worked my butt of so that I could succeed their standard. Because I wanted my family to be happy.
My friend told me I was too "loud" or "weird" and even "boring". And I bet that didn't know how much those words hurt.
All the people that cared so much, made me hurt so much. I saw what they did to me. I saw how destroyed I was and I saw that in the mirror there wasn't a smiling girl.
So I stopped. I stopped trying to please everyone else. I stopped changing and trying to live up to other people's standards. I stopped being someone I wasn't.
I showed them I didn't have to be what they thought was "good enough" to be accepted. I didn't care if the hole world hated me because I knew out there someone would always think I was "good enough"
People will alway judge and whisper but that doesn't matter anymore because now I know that I was always "good enough."
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