I'm going to be honest with you all.
My whole life I've felt like I've never been able to please anyone.
Everything I did was "not enough" You know?
Something was always missing.
And that feeling was horrible because it didn't just come from one pe...
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I've never been a confident person in my older years. I might've been when I was younger, in my elementary school years but once I hit middle school it changed.
Through middle school I felt worthless, unwanted and simply unconfident in all ways. No one ever really did anything to make me feel like such from 6-8th grades but of course when high school begins everything goes straight to chaos, as books and shows portray.
<<9th grade year. The beginning of high school.>>
It started fine, I was optimistic about the year and looking forward to my high school career. I felt great, I ended up with a boyfriend who I thought was wonderful. Let's call him N. He treated me well everyday, I thought N was great. We dated for a month before he started asking for typical guy things, specifically things I knew I didn't want to give and all that jazz.
I let it go on for a few months but I got tired of it and began trying to figure out how and when I should end it. I started talking to a senior (C)in my first hour who was really nice, just talking to him as a friend. I told him of how I was done with the relationship with N. C helped me get the courage built up to end it, but N twisted it after the fact. He said that I was dating C at the same time, that I was leaving him to date C, that I was screwing C, the like. Because of the rumors I had a guy in my grade ask me what a black guy's dïck looked like. (C is black, so yeah.)
But besides that I was cursed out, double crossed and accused of things I didn't do by someone I considered a minor friend of mine (E), it led to the point where she cursed me out in the middle of lunch and almost punched me had she not been held back.
After that, my best friend since the first week of preschool (T) lied to me all year, sided with E and called me a bïtch on more than one occasion.
All of the things that've happened to me this year, mentioned and unmentioned as there is still more, led me to harm myself both mentally and physically. I was often left to myself, left without a friend until the situation with E had come to an end.
That's when my absolute closest friend, K, realized but how bad E was and sided with me completely. It was a hard year, I felt like I could never be enough. But by now after the school year has ended and majority of the drama as well, I'm learning that even though all that happened and things were spread against me, I can still be enough for at least one person.
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For_A_Rainy_Day I totally feel you man, my first year of high school was very devastating.
I lost a lot of friends and now I'm left with so few it just makes me think I'm a horrible person and that it's all my fault.
So many people betrayed me and told me they could find better. It really hurt, but I always try to remind myself that friendships aren't meant to last forever.
Thank you so much for joining the challenge and I hope you all the best.
