I'm going to be honest with you all.
My whole life I've felt like I've never been able to please anyone.
Everything I did was "not enough" You know?
Something was always missing.
And that feeling was horrible because it didn't just come from one pe...
~This is the story where it was not someone hurting me. No. This is the story where it was me hurting me.~
I woke up after one of my worse nightmares at 2 a.m. one day. I realized then what I was scared of was not simple fears like spiders or snakes. No I wasn't afraid of those things. I was afraid of what I call the Five F's.
In those Five F's there are categories, the lists never ending. In those Five F's there are more fears.
Not being good enough is the main one.
Not being good enough that I fail.
Not being enough that I fall.
Not being good enough that I forget.
Not being good enough that I am forgotten.
Not being good enough that I can no longer have friendship.
It all wrapped around that one fear of not being good enough for the world I lived in.
So after that night, I hid. I was too scared that everyone would agree with that voice in the back of my mind telling me "You're not good enough."
I hid the real me behind a mask. One that showed the world who I wanted to be. I wanted to be happy. Nobody realized what was going on. Nobody was there. The Fourth F had taken over me.
Then I started to grow more and more sad. I started being depressed to the point where I hid behind my books and music that blocked any noise. The Third F had taken over me.
Because I became very anti-social, my friends decided to stop talking to me thinking that's what I wanted. I didn't want to be left alone. But of course they didn't know that. The Fifth F had taken over me.
After a while I couldn't focus on anything. I fell behind on school, turning things in late or just not turning them in at all. My parents had asked over and over what was going on and I told them I didn't know. But in my head, my mind kept telling me "You failed them." The First F had taken over me.
Six months later, I was still the depressed person I was. I didn't know when I had started to fall. I was falling in the dark pit of depression, somewhere that one part of my mind didn't want me to go. But the sadness, kept washing over that part, over powering it. The Second F had taken over me.
I kept my mask up. I made everyone believe that I was happy, that I wasn't scared. Nobody knew of course. Nobody payed attention. It felt like I was screaming for help and nobody could hear me. But of course that one part of my mind told me It's your fault you didn't ask for help. You just aren't good enough.
That's where my best friend comes in. We weren't good friends at the time.
I guess he had gotten tired of me not being me because he had come up to me one day at lunch, sat down next to me. My face was in my hands, so I hadn't noticed he was there until I put my hands down. He sat there eating his sandwich next to me as if it was the normalest thing to do in the world.
I had asked him what he was doing and he replied with the vaguest answer.
"Eating a sandwich."
I looked at him confused.
He continued speaking after smiling.
"The real question is what are you doing? You hide behind that mask all day, everyday, every week, every month, every year. Put it down for once. I miss the girl who was happy and didn't care what everyone else thought about her."
That seemed to scare me. The fact that someone missed me. The actual me. I hadn't thought it possible.
That day I had finally let my walls down.
He had shown me that it was possible to be remembered, to not forget, to have a real friendship, to not fail, to not fall.
He had shown me that it was possible to be good enough.
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MissHuffles, first off I would like to thank you not only for sharing your story with the readers of Wattpad but also for entering this small challenge of mine.
I haven't updated a single book ever since school started and with all the work and drama I haven't even been feeling myself.
I don't even write like I use to, now all I do is sleep and watch tv, kinda pathetic right?
But this is not about me, it's about you and everyone out there who gets to read this.
I want to tell you how beautiful I found your story, not just the message but the beauty of the way it was written.
Its beautiful to see how there will always be that one person.
To all of you out there who read this, please join the challenge and share your story, don't stay and in the shadows.
Please spread the word about this challenge so everyone out there gets the chance to share their unique experiences.
