The Diary of A Sad Teen

Depression

If you see me.

All you'll see is a blank face.

I'm tired of people thinking I'm alright, when I'm far from it and I could just end it all tonight.

You see my smile, but that smile is fake.

Yeah, I may be laughing but that doesn't mean I'm happy.

Yeah, I guess I have happy days but it doesn't mean my depressions gone.

This depressions taking over my mind and body, it's taken everything from me.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

Depression doesn't just come and go. it hangs around all the time... it never leaves. it's always there.

But I'm the only one who actually notices, I have to paint a smile on my face, fake laughs, fake friends, fake everything.

I've come to realise I only have one friend and I barely ever get to see her.

But I just want to thank her so much for everything, I don't know what I'd do without you Nicole, thank you x

These fake friends, I'm tired of trying, I'll just give up.

I've slowly stopped talking to them, I'm slipping away from them.. which is good in a way.. I guess.

It's better for me.

I've relapsed twice this week,

I really have no emotions about it.

I have no emotions about anything really anymore.

All the sleep I get and I'm still tired, depressions wearing me out.

Those fake friends I have claim that they are depressed.

When really no, you can't be depressed for just one day, it stays, it's always with you.

I've been diagnosed with depression for almost 7 years, yes I've had a pretty sad childhood.

You'll never understand what depressions like.

An I can never tell you what it's like, you can't just tell someone what it feels like, you just can't explain it.

I've been blocking out my feelings with music.

Just forget.

I'm tired and sleep can't cure it.

I'm sick and medication won't help it.

I just want to stay in bed all day and listen to sad songs.

Most of the music played is by my favourite band 'Motionless In White' and if you've read my fan fictions on here you'll understand how much I adore them, they make me feel whole, happy for a while.

I've cried a lot this week, I haven't cried in months.

I'm also gaining weight.

I'm feeling worse and worse about my self and I want to die.

I hate myself so fucking much.

A lot had happened this month,

I've started all my habits again.

And I'll just be a morbid person forever I guess, because that's who I am. which is saddening.