The Diary of A Sad Teen

Screams Of Insanity

Emptiness is all I feel, all day and everyday... It eats my insides. And I hate it. The only feelings I ever have are either Sadness or Anger.

If you could read my mind, You wouldn't think it was me. I guess I am and innocent looking Kid and would be the kid who has a great life, but in reality I'm actually the opposite.

You'd be horrified if you could hear my thoughts.

Y'know what people say about "the quietest people have the loudest minds." To be honest that's pretty damn true, I hate these thoughts, they're like demons inside me killing me slowly everyday.

I have been and felt alone for a long time now, I have been a neglected child who doesn't know right from wrong. I try to make friends but they always end up leaving me...alone, I despise being alone for I have social anxiety.

The thought of someone staring at you gives you mini heart attacks,

If someone laughs, you think they're laughing at you or talking about you.

Everyone hates you and you look pretty damn stupid walking around school ALONE.

But I have been alone for a while now and I have come to accept it, I like being alone more than I should, I talk to myself... I'm my own friend yet my own enemy too.

Darkness is my only real friend.

Do not leave me alone in the dark at midnight, for I do bad things to myself.

Yes, I do self harm...in many ways.

It gives me pleasure, so I can actually feel something.

I sit in the dark for hours, I talk to it.

Y'know the dark is lonely too.

I am not afraid.

But you should be afraid of me, I hate everyone, i have such hatred to many people for what they've done to me in the past. Do not get on my bad side.

My mind is a dark place, darker than the beautiful nights sky.

Oh, if only you knew.

I do need help, but I would never admit it to anyone. If I dared tell anyone my thoughts I could be sent to a mental asylum.

Mom and Dad, you think I'm fine?

Think again.

I am a depressed girl who is fucked up, mentally. I am broken and you can't fix me, don't tell me "it's a phase" because it's not, this is real. I have been diagnosed with depression, but you think it's a joke. I don't have friends for my only friends are the ghosts that wander this earth.

Did you know the only things that comfort your little girls heart are cemeteries, darkness, blood, death and many other horrific things?

I'm drowning, but you're standing right beside screaming "learn how to swim"

I have fought for my life for so long.

And I'm giving up, I can't do this anymore.

Not that you care anyway.

"What are your hobbies?" you ask...

Well, I like to stand on edges of bridges and tall buildings, bleed, play with sharp things, walk alone at abandoned or haunted places and sit alone in the dark.

My dear 'friends' you told me you were there for me, well you weren't, you didn't care about me in the first place, you'd only care about me if I died... I will haunt you when I'm dead.

You left me alone in this scary, confusing world and told me you would be there for me...you used me, for everything and treated me like shit.

No, I don't like you ok?

Is that what you wanted to hear?

I don't think so.

Maybe one day, you'll realise how insane I was and how unhealthy my mind was. I needed you. but you abandoned my trust, and because of this, you have turned me into the monster I am today, the monster who wants to take its own life, the monster who wants to hurt itself.

Look what YOU have done to me.

You ruined my life.

ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!

you killed me, slowly.

And soon enough I will do the same to you... painfully slow, so that your screams of agony bring my soul joy.