The Diary of A Sad Teen

Mentally Saddened

Broken heart, shattered dreams. Sadness and Darkness fill my soul.
All innocence taken.
A life so empty.
A life so lonely.

I dislike the people who romanticise self harming, suicide, eating disorders etc. Because there's nothing romantic about them, they're horrible situations and addictions, why the fuck would anyone find it romantic? it's NOT.
They probably do it themselves... for attention.

I don't get it, why do people just open up to others so easily, it's like they want attention, you're not supposed to tell random people you self harm or want to die etc, unless you want attention, ok? I have opened up to two very close people, the other two people I've opened up to... I regret. I have been let down so many times in the past I have lost all trust in the human kind, it took me 2 years to tell my councillor I self harm, have depression, have an eating disorder and want to die, people say it's good to let it out... to be honest I don't think it is, you have let your biggest secret out into the world, the cruel, judgemental world, what if your secret just accidentally slipped out... people would know and soon enough the school would know your shame, you thought you could trust them but no.

Do you know how badly these problems can affect your life?
I'm just sick of this world.
I want to bleed.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
But I can't.

Today's society is the most fucked up generation and that's a fact, at my school, nearly everybody cuts themselves and it's for attention, they beg for attention, they want sympathy, they don't know you can die from self harming, they don't know it causes scars, they don't know they could go to a mental hospital, they don't know it's an addiction. I'm sick and tired of this fucked up world, you may think while you're reading this that I'm a fuck up an I swear and complain too much, but I really don't give a fuck anymore. I have social anxiety and anxiety which means I can't talk about my problems aloud so I come here to let out my anger,pain,sadness basically any emotion I want, I just want to thank you readers for not judging me... yet.
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up,
I'm sorry.

The first day of school is tomorrow, I look terrible in my uniform and I've gained a few pounds, I feel uncomfortable in my skin, I want out. people stare.
People judge.
I'm not like the others.
Only the lonely know me.
I have one friend.

Suicide , suicide , suicide , suicide , suicide , suicide , suicide , suicide .
I want out of my skin, I want to die.
Yesterday was my 3rd attempt.
I'm not going into details.
Sadness fills me.
Dead inside.

Death is such a lovely thing, I miss those days before my dreams were shattered and my innocence was stolen. I was happy.
I've had depression for 5 years now.
Pills, pills, pills, pills, pills.
Sick of everything.
Sick of living.
Sick of life.
Dead.

I remember that one time I was in love, this boy, he basically saved my life.
Love won over suicide.
We were both too shy to talk to each other, but I was happy, I think.
He was amazing, when I lived with my stepdad I was the most suicidal I ever had and would be, I attempted twice there, I had no friends at all.
My head was a dark mess.
I still cry to this day of what happened there, I want to tell someone but I can't.

Suicide.
Fear.
Pain.
Blood.
Death.
Sadness.
Darkness.
Sick.
Dead.
Lonely.
Alone.
Upset.
Anger.
Tears.
Dark.
Fucked.
Tired.
Forgotten.
Abandoned.
Unloved.
Fat.
Ugly.
Hungry.
Empty.
Cold.
Unwanted.
Suicidal.
Dying.
Angry.
Relapse.
Unhealthy.

I'm glad those days are over now but I'm scarred for life mentally.
Saddened.
I am just one messed up teen.