Cursed Petals

Part 6

As I was walking down the hall I heard someone run up behind me. The footsteps slowed and fell into step beside me. I didn't have to look to know who it was. They were so familiar I could write an entire list about them. When we reached my room they didn't ask to come in and instead followed. I sat on my bed and didn't look or say anything.

"Lance. This is serious."

I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Yeah. You think I don't realize that?"

I looked up at him and was shocked to find how worried he looked.

"Lance. You're dying."

"I know."

"Then why don't you act like you care?"

"Because it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! Your life matters! Just tell the person you like! It can't be that hard!"

"It is that hard! It doesn't matter because I ruined my chances. My family is gone to. We're far far away from them. I can't go back. I have to stay here."

He shook his head.

"They can't hate you. Believe it or not it's hard to hate you. You just, have to tell them..."

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    It's always been hard. At first it was anger. He always seemed to say the right things to piss me off. The rival thing was confusing so I didn't acknowledge it. After being around him more it was obvious there was more to him. I wanted to learn it all. His eyes are the most beautiful of blues I've ever come across. If you get close enough you can see the spatters of small slightly darker freckles going across his nose. His personality was tough to deal with but there was another side. A low side. One where he closed people off from. He was too scared to let people in to see the real him. That scared him. The side where he was homesick, hurt, and nervous of what people thought of him. He struggled with letting people in. Afraid of what they would think. He was perfect. He had his faults. It didn't scare me. I wanted to be there. There to comfort him and love him. He was in need of someone to always be there. I was open to being that person. But I didn't say anything. I kept to myself and played along. My feelings hidden away and buried deep when I left for the blade of mamora. It was easier to ignore them. He was never around. Only on missions. I would always make sure they were all safe. But never, and I mean never, letting them know I was there. When we would talk with them I would notice him watching me. Whenever we talked he would watch. Never stopping. Only sometimes acknowledging someone else when it called for it. Otherwise his attention was on me. I never looked. I know that I would break. I couldn't stand to look into his ocean blue eyes and ignore these feelings I've tried so hard to bury. Never look.

Now I know he likes someone. Someone to the point he's dying. It's not me. It can't be me. I wish it was. I wish I could help him. But he's not telling anyone who it is. Apparently some people know. I don't. I don't know if I can handle knowing. I do know that I don't think i'll be able to live with him gone. The thought of him being gone forever hurts. I can't let him die. He has to live. Now I just have to throw away these feeling for real. He has someone else he loves. It's not me. I was to late.