The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 10: Heart Shaped Frames

November 20th

Dear Simon,

I know I said I would write to you tomorrow in the last entry but I've been in a dark place until recently. Lincoln has been helping a lot. It's been a few days and i've been so depressed it's scared everyone half to death. I caught up on my school work since that's all I can really do without leaving the house. Lincoln drives here some nights and holds me on his lap while I lay my head on his chest and stare blankly into space.

Yesterday night he mentioned how he's been where I've been before and how he knows what it's like to not be able to come out even with the help of someone else. I didn't respond but I was concerned. He hasn't tried to kiss me since I've been like this, which I appreciate, it shows me he's here for the right reasons. He really just wants to be there for me. But it's frustrating

He should want me all the time, right?

I guess I'm just being a girl, wanting both things at once.

He's such a good guy Simon. He kisses me on the forehead and plays with my hair. Even when I zone out and my mind goes straight back to the accident, that temporary bliss feels so nice.

With Lincoln here, there's hope, you know? There's hope for me.

I guess it's been ten times harder since whenever I get like this, mom goes into some kind of hiatus and detaches herself from me. You know what she said the other day?

She said I was being dramatic and worthless. It upset me more and more every time I thought about it. How could you possibly call your daughter worthless? You gave birth to this being and now she means nothing to you because she's not all dolled up and smiling. Forgive me, mom for missing my dead brother. You know, Simon, sometimes it feels like I was the only one who actually cared about you. It does.

Mom won't even talk about the accident. She pretends nothing happened. Like you went on some long road trip, like you'll be back home soon. I don't know.

Lincoln makes it better. He does.  

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November 25th

Dear Simon,

Lincoln and I spent the whole rainy day watching movies. I'm getting better.

I'm getting better at this cuddling thing too. He still hasn't tried to make any moves on me. Since I've been doing a little better, I've been thinking about how he touches me more and more. We kiss a few times, but every time I try to go farther he finds a reason not to let me.

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November 31

Dear Simon, 

Today I had my head in his lap as I laid out on the couch. He was in a sitting position drinking wine and playing with my hair.  

"Oh, watch this part! " He said, noticing my eyes had strayed away from the television.

"I thought you never saw this movie before." I said turning my attention back to the screen.

"I didn't, I saw like half of it." He took another sip of wine and motioned for me to drink some.

"I can't drink while i'm laying down, are you trying to kill me?" I smiled. He looked at me surprised.

"What do you mean? Everyone can drink while laying down!" He said as he poured some wine on my nose. The cold liquid ran down my face and then down my neck, wetting my clothes. I jumped up almost immediately, ready to kill him.