The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 16- When she calls

March 2nd

Dear Simon,

I could barely sleep last night. Jaime? Out of the 3,000 people in this school? I can barely focus in class between each class, I keep searching for Scar, but she's avoiding me and I don't know why. She's not just avoiding me, she's been avoiding the whole group. Lunchtime comes and I don't expect to see her in the cafeteria when I go sit with the boys. I'm not surprised when I don't. I grab some chicken nuggets and sit by Linc who is playing with a bottle of water and talking to Kyle.

He scoots over when I come to sit next to him and kisses me on the cheek. I greet everyone else but I can tell the mood of the table is off now that Scar has been missing for the fourth day in a row.

I bite on my lower lip and turn to Lincoln. "Scar didn't tell you why she broke up with that girl you told me about?" I asked out of the blue.

He looked at me oddly. "Why are you so hung up on that? Did something happen with you and Scar."

I shake my head. "Just asking." I say, trying to play it casual.

"The girl left her for some guy I think." Linc says.

My heart drops. Scar was heartbroken when Jaime left her for a guy and I left her for Linc. Was she avoiding everyone because of me? Did I push her away.

I pull out my phone to call her but before I hit the button, bright red hair appears on the lunch line. She is wearing a white shirt and a black short skirt with her long socks. Much like her usual style.

She gets her food and walks towards the table. Her eyes meet mine and she changes her gaze immediately. I feel my forehead wrinkle.

As she sits down, everyone greets her and she responds dull.

"Can I speak to you in private for a minute?" I hear myself ask but it doesn't sound like my voice and I don't remember thinking about asking to speak to her, it just came out.

"She gets up swiftly, slamming her tray and walks out of the cafeteria. I look at Linc confused and walk out with her. I wish she didn't make such a scene. I could feel the boys eyes burn into my back as I walked to catch up with her. After we were outside the cafeteria, she kept walking and walking.

"Scar." I struggle to keep up and she continues to walk until she is outside and we are by the bleachers on the football field. I am out of breath and confused.

"What's your problem?" I ask a little angry now.

She scoffs. I've never seen these facial expressions on her.

"What's my problem? I don't know, Hedy. Maybe you getting close to me, only to crawl back to Lincoln when he didn't even want you anymore. Maybe being there when you needed me and having fu-cking NO ONE there when I disappear for a week! Don't ask me what my problem is."

I look at her in disbelief. "Scar I called you so many times. You never answered your phone. And you know how hung up I was on what I did to Lincoln. We had fun but I didn't know you were taking it so-"

"So what?" She stammered. "So seriously?"

She shrugs and I can see tears forming in her eyes. I cursed under my breath. I broke Scar's heart.

"Scar... I'm not.." I trail off, not wanting to hurt her anymore but still doing so anyway.

"I know. I know you're not and fuck me for liking straight girls, but they're the only ones I'm attracted to. I just thought we were doing good. I thought we were getting closer. I thought I made you feel good." She rubs her arms, her hands shaking a little and her face red.

"You did make me feel good. I loved every second I spent with you." I say honestly. I step closer to her and push my hair behind my ears.

"But I'm not gay, Scar. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

She wipes her eyes and stares at me like I'm the most disgusting person in the world.

"You know... he's going to be finished with you soon and move on and I don't want to hear it. I'm not going to offer you a blunt and cheer you up the next time it happens." She runs her fingers through her hair and I am so hurt I don't know what to say.

She's just angry. I keep telling myself. I shake my head and begin walking back to the cafeteria but Scarlet grabs my hand and pulls me back outside.

"You just got in this group, don't think they can't kick you out when their done with you." She whispers close to my face.

"You're pretty fucked up, you know that." I say looking at her with scorn.

"I think we both know who's fucked up here and it isn't me. I guess you're used to leaving people when they need you huh?" She spits. I shake my head and begin walking again.

"Like when Jaime needed you but you were too caught up in your own bullshit to even look at her.

I freeze, the words stinging and etching themselves into my brain to haunt me in the night. I didn't leave Jaime when she needed me, I was still getting over your death and her problems were much smaller than mine. I always thought that was the reason she stopped talking to me, but how could I show sympathy to someone, when I have lost so much. I turn to Scarlet now.

"You know nothing about me and Jaime's friendship, so I suggest you shut your mouth." I say it with as much scorn as I can muster.

"Oh, so you knew I fucked your best friend. Huh? Thought that would come as a surprise to you but I guess Linc doesn't know how to mind his business. I never really liked you Scarlet, I was just relaying information back to Jaime, she always thought you were pathetic."

I feel tears in my eyes now, every word breaking me slightly.

I manage to respond. "Were you relaying the information to Jaime before or after she left you for another guy?" I ask stinging back. I see her face change and then she begins to laugh, hysterical. Completely lose her wits, laughing.

"The guy she left me for is your current boyfriend you nutcase. They still sleep together, he practically runs when she calls him." She pushes past me, my feet are frozen in the ground and my heart lies in front of me on the floor.

"And to think I almost felt sorry for you."

I want to curl up into a ball and cry, and that's exactly what I do. Right in the middle of the empty hallway, except I stay there until students come out, until two guidance counselors pick me up and take me to their office, but I don't remember what the office looks like because I am empty and numb. I still feel teas down my face but i blankly stare into space for hours on end. I am in my room by the evening, I know my mother came to pick me up and I know she had to left me into the car as everyone around me watched as I wen back into a low I never wanted to experience again. I knew my mother was talking to me in the car but I couldn't hear her. All I could hear was Scarlet.

They still sleep together.

He runs when she calls.

Why wouldn't he?

I feel more tears surfacing and I wrap my arms around my legs in my bed and scream as loud as I can. I cry and kick and scream releasing everything in me. I pull my sheets off my bed and turn over my drawers, breaking my mirror. I step on shards of glass and feel the slicing into my skin but I don't care. I pick up the remote and throw it at my TV, watching the glass shatter. I hear footsteps running up the stairs, but my door is locked. Mother screams but I can't hear her over my own.

I crawl back to my empty bed and scream feeling my heart bend and turn into miniature pieces of itself.

Of course he runs when she calls. She's beautiful, she's stable. She doesn't freak out on the path to the fucking hospital.

I've lost all of it now Simon.

Everything my happiness depended on is once again gone.

I hold on to the neck of my shirt and scream as I rip it off of me and I cry until sleep takes over.

The nightmares are as bad as the reality and they play themselves over and over and over again.